Reflections of a sick girl

I have been a blob of a human for the last few days.  Even walking to the mail box was a bit of a challenge.  So of course grappling was out of the question for many reasons.  The primary one being that I need to breathe to grapple, and I could hardly manage that sitting in my bed.  Other reasons being that I didn't want to infect my entire team with my cooties, and I am sure no one wanted me and my ever dripping nose anywhere near them.  I am finally starting to feel better, thank God.  I seriously have not been this sick since I was in the 10th grade... and I am almost thirty.  

I was forced to take the longest break I have taken from grappling since I started Jiujitsu seven months ago.  I did stop grappling for a week after my initial rib injury, but I still went to class.  By the time I roll again, it will have been 5 days.  

I am looking for the silver lining, and I believe I have found it.

Today, for the first time in months I woke up, and nothing ached.  My finger joints didn't hurt and I didn't have to stretch carefully.  I was forced to let my body rest, and I think it appreciates it.  Yay! 

All I have been able to do since Thursday was watch Jiujitsu online, and think about it.

I watched my NAGA matches from February... and they annoy me already.  Why, oh why, for the love of all that is holy do I just close guard and SIT THERE?!  Open guard has been my main focus for ... uhhh three months.  I can work open guard, open guard is one of the things I think I am decent at... and by decent I of course mean, decent for a white belt.  I even had a stander...  I love when people stand up in my guard... epic fun sweeps all over the place, and De la Riva guard.  I love De la Riva guard!  And all I did was grab her ankles and push her over.  Blarg.  So annoying.  Now I want to compete again to redeem myself... to myself.  I know no one else thinks, or at least I hope no one thinks, redemption is necessary.

Recently the subject of size has come up a lot...as in how to grapple someone larger.  I was actually going to get a private about that subject, but this blasted disease kept me home.... but I have been wondering.. Am I a big person... or a small person?  I am tall, at least for a girl, average for a man, but I am light.  There are a good number of men I grapple who are my height, but I only outweigh one of the guys... and he is about 5'6.  So, when Ben says something specifically about being a small grappler, does that apply to me?  I have always thought so, but again.. no grappling, too much thinking I wonder if I am considered small.   People call me Ginormica for Pete's sake.  Does it have more to do with weight, or length of limbs?  I assume weight because there are weight classes not height classes, but still....  I think I am going to do the private Tuesday since I missed Thursday, and I will ask then.  If it turns out I am  not considered small, I will have to pull something out of my butt to focus on for the private lesson.

I am so excited to grapple on Monday.  I am for the most part just excited to get back onto the mat, but I really want to work on taking the back from guard.  I think my go to submissions are chokes.  I still feel like an epic oaf when I go for armbars, and you can forget leg attacks.  I am getting semi-decent at defending leg attacks now since apparently my 10 foot legs are prime targets for ankle attacks, but I rarely see them, and have only gone for them a few times.  Anyhow, I love chokes, and there are chokes galore from the back.  So, I need to get better at getting there... and now that I have been shown the finer details, I need to work it, work it, work it.  I need to be able to do it without thinking, "grab gi sleeve, hip, shuck, get on your elbow, sit up, grab the arm pit, head on mat, hips up, hooks in."   I need to do it without thinking at all.  I need muscle memory... and to do that, I need to do it... a lot.  And it's not like people are just going to give up their backs.  I think this will be hard for me to work, but I want... need to get good at this.  


I will take your back, and I will choke you out.  


I need to make this my motto... Just pretend I am awesome...go into every grappling thinking I can do it.. and then try to do it... no no, then do it.

I think since I figured out that triangle from bottom side control, it is less of an ordeal in my head, and I can focus on things that actually matter.  lol