What do you look like when you grapple?

I am tall, and I have super gangly arms and legs.  This really doesn't translate into graceful grappling.

While grappling, I've been called, lengthy, leggy, wasp-y, and noodle-y.  I've been told grappling me is like grappling an octopus, and I've had "Release the Kraken!" screamed in my face more then once when I pull guard. 

All of that sounds awesome, right.  Except maybe noodly.  Which is sadly probably the most accurate of the aforementioned adjectives.  

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!

This is what you think... but really, I am more like this:

And wasps?! 

I wanna be a wasp!  

I'm not.  

A non-threatening, bowl of noodles?... maybe.

But, low and behold, I came across a picture on the internet yesterday that I am fairly certain captures what I look like perfectly when I grapple. 

Brace yourselves.

I am a drunk and/or drowning flamingo.  

Sad times... sad times indeed.

I really just wish I was a wasp though.

Flesh eating chicken!

I've mentioned before that I have several chickens.  I love fresh eggs, and from time to time, I enjoy a fresh chicken.  Yes, I do it all myself.  No, I don't know how I can be so heartless and actually kill the food I eat, so don't ask.  =)

Today my chickens (sort of) exacted their revenge.

Every morning when I feed my chickens, they run up to me, and stand very impatiently around me waiting for me to feed them.  Some mornings, they peck at my toe nails, I assume, because they think they are something yummy to eat.  They are not, and it kind of tickles.

Last night, I went for a run, and got a super fancy blister.  It was one of those really great ones, that you get AND pop on the same run, so it burns with the fire of a thousand suns.

Kind of like this

This is not my busted foot.  I repeat NOT my foot.  

(Also, I would advise against using the Google image search to look for pictures of blisters.  I almost threw up.)

The blister it self is probably around a seven on this scale.

(I shamelessly stole this image from http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.)

When I got home, I screamed and flailed like a child while I washed it, an then left it uncovered so it would dry out a little, and I could cut away the tremendously sensitive skin that was hanging off the back of my foot.  I wanted to avoid being one of those people who grapple with little pieces of skin hanging off their body.  Yum.

I forgot about the blister when I went outside this morning, and it apparently looked tasty.

I can not even begin to explain to you the pain of a rooster pecking me DIRECTLY in the open blister, then trying to rip the piece of skin off my foot.

If you would again view the chart above the pain was very much too serious for numbers.

This is Marcellus Wallace, the guilty rooster.  He is my favorite chicken, and will never be on the menu... even if he continues to try and eat me while I am still alive.

He is my super awesome dive bombing, razor sharp beak having, does not look like a bitch, top of the pecking order, rooster.  And now I can add flesh eating to his list of accomplishments. Fear him.  Seriously, fear him.  It really hurt when he pecked me in the blister.  I screamed. Loud.

I'm sure this only amuses me...

When I hear the name Fabio I don't think 'I can't believe it's not butter', I think of this guy:

So, I can not help but laugh hysterically when I see this:

Things not to confuse.

As I mentioned before I'm working my guard passes.

A few weeks ago someone showed me two guard passes.  One where you come in tight, and one that requires you to sprawl on top of the legs to pass.

All last night I was sprawling when I should have been coming in tight.

.... Sadly, my mistake wasn't clear to me until I was in the car, and I was trying to walk my self mentally through the details trying to figure out where I went wrong.

It went something like this...

...break the legs..
...trap the leg....
....elbow to the mat..
...swim the opposite leg...
...come in close to blo....  Ooooooh!  STUPID!

Simply thinking about it, I remembered the correct steps, but for whatever reason my body was not remembering while I was actually grappling.

All was not lost though.

I did still manage to pass most of the time though... just in a really ugly, non-technical, me-smash-me-pass kind of way I am sure.

Which made me happy because I had a move .... that I saw on Youtube... (LOL) that I wanted to try.  Generally, when someone says to me..."Hey can I try this move I saw on youtube on you real quick..."  I go in to the situation very hesitantly.  I will say though, that the person on the youtube video is a legit source so I don't feel bad about it.

It starts out from the scarf hold ... 

Oh wait, I mean this:

I watched it a few times, thinking I would remember it correctly... but I didn't.  I totally left out a major step in the transition.  And I mean, MAJOR step.  Not one of those turn your foot in left or right kind of things.  I mean, like an entire step.  Scarf hold - Knee on belly - Fancy maneuver - Take the back.  ... I forgot the entire knee on belly step.

I kept ending up in a position I am sometimes in after failed armbar attempts.

Hot Garbage!

Next week though!  I am a woman on a mission.

Fabio Novaes on Brazilian Jiu-jitsu

One of my teammates's brother used Fabio and the school for a project.  I know Allie blogged the same thing, but I feel like I need to point out something hilarious.  Remember yesterday when I said I got a really nice compliment and it was a huge boost that I totally needed?  Part of that grapple is in this video, but the funny part is that it was my "oh crap" moment of the night.  I tried to escape a triangle, and got swept over, and then promptly tooled.

Triangle escapes are my nemesis.


So, check it out.  I suck bad.  lol - Though, it's an okay sucking.  I'm a white belt, hes a purple belt.  I'm allowing myself to be okay with it.  I just wish it wasn't on youtube for the world to see.... You know, because everyone cares.  lol

Oh yeah, and Fabio wants to hurt you on the inside... So, beware!  lol

My belt has a mind of it's own.

My belt demoted me.

It can feel my suckiness, and my stripes have begun to merge together.

I should be offended by my belts lack of faith in me, but I just think it is funny.  I'm not going to be too worried about it though, unless my belt starts to choke me on it's own accord.  

In other news, Zaile has been bugging me relentlessly to take me with her to Fabio's.  She is only three, and I know she is not ready for that yet.  With her attention span, general tininess, lack of control and failure to understand what tapping means I know she isn't ready.  But that doesn't mean she can't go to Barn-jitsu!  I can keep here there as long as her attention span will allow, and send her back inside when she is finished.  I don't have to worry about her misbehaving and disrupting class.

I'm only going to teach her movements, like hip outs and rolls, and positions.  If she is still interested when she is older then she will have a leg up, and if not... then oh well.  It is quality time with her, and good exercise.  Plus, it is super cute!

Niceness fail!

I generally prefer defense to offence, and have always been more of a sweeper than a submitter.  Even though I realize submitting people is not rude, I always feel like a jerk when I do it.  It is probably one of my biggest downfalls as I don’t often work them, so my submissions are always the crappiest part of my game. 

Anyway, tonight when I was grappling this teenage boy I was working positions and just general technique since I am rusty.  He is smaller than I am and somewhat newish to Jiu-jitsu, so if I forget a step, or do something wrong I can recover and it doesn’t turn into an epic fail on my part.  However, while we were grappling I started to go for a triangle, and he said something to the effect of “oh no!” to himself, not to me or anything, it was just he realized he made a mistake and was verbally bummed about it.  So, I let it go.  And he FLEW around to side control, and instantly went for an arm bar, and instead of trying to defend it, I figured I would just roll out of it and come around to side control…. But no.  The kid totally blocked my roll out attempt, and instead of trying to be a jerk and  muscle out of it, I just tapped. 

NICENESS FAIL! 

I will however give total credit to the kid for his armbar.  It was a nice armbar and he legitimately stopped me from rolling out of it.  However, my niceness is what got me into the situation in the first place!  I need to knock that crap off.  I’ve always had the issue of not wanting to submit people.  I know it’s wrong, and it is literally what people go there for, but sill.  I feel bad when I do it, and tonight I got myself submitted for failing to submit someone when I should have.  I’m not only denying myself practice, but I am denying my training partners the same thing.  No one benefits when I let go of submissions.

I did it a second time when I grappled someone I had not grappled since I left.  I was a little nervous about grappling them, not in a bad way, but more or less wondering how I would stack up due to my lack of training, so I went into it thinking, “Okay Stephanie, go for it.”  But the second I realized I could still hold my own against the person, I took my guard down, and ended up in a crappy position.  It was annoying because I knew I shouldn’t have been there in the first place and also because I need to just go for it.  I’m only training one day a week right now and I need to make the most of every single grapple I am given.

I need to stop being so passive.  I need to grapple like I mean it, not like I am their mommy. 

I need to watch 300 before I go to class every day.  lol