Does BJJ really work for women?

A couple of months ago, I went to class.  Fabio has several classes most days, and I generally only go at night since I home school my kids, but every now and then I go to morning classes or afternoon classes. 

That day I went to a class I have only gone to a couple of times, and was approached by one of the newer guys, and he said, "I know you teach a women's class, and if you don't mind I want to watch you grapple today.  I have a wife and daughter, and I want them to learn BJJ too, but I don't understand how this will work for a woman.  No offense, but I don't understand how you could overpower a man."  ... or something to that effect.  

He was in no way being rude, or condescending, just honest.  And being that he is new, and had never grappled a woman, it's a legitimate concern.  

I however went into, oh my gosh, how I grapple today is going to form this man's opinion of ALL OF WOMEN'S BJJ EVERYWHERE FOREVER! panic mode. 

I immediately scanned the room.

No girls.

Mostly white belts.
Big ones.

More Panic.

Big white belt men generally give me the most 'trouble'.  When a guy uses just brute force and no technique I really have to work.  Technique is the only thing that I have to combat brute force.... and when you can mush my guard open with just your arms.  Ugh.

I have said before, that I don't grapple to win, I grapple to grapple.  But that morning, with the fate of all of women's BJJ in my hands, I started every grapple with the intent to prove to the world, or you know, just that one guy, that BJJ works for women too.  

And being that I am the instructor of a women's class, I felt extra compelled to prove myself, not just prove that BJJ works for women.

My first grapple was an older teenage boy, and I was so nervous I was starting to question whether or not I could take this kid.  So, I started to psych myself up, more so than when I am competing in the finals for gold.

The resulting grapple was probably a little more unpleasant for that innocent man-boy than it should have been.

I should probably have felt bad that I unleashed on that kid, but I didn't.  I smiled, thanked him for the grapple and walked back to the wall without making eye contact with the guy I knew was watching.  I wanted to look like I wasn't even trying, or that it didn't matter.

But in my head I was jumping up and down, See it works! It works!  Send your wife and daughter to my class!

But in reality, I just beat up a kid.  Oopsie.
(In my defense however, we go there to grapple, not hug, and I grappled him with my sanity in tact, I just took every opportunity I could to put him in a bad spot and submit him.  I unnecessarily unleashed my inner Leonidas on him.  But he went on to grapple another day unscathed.)

Next grapple.

Another white belt... but this was white belt with man strength.  A big giant man, with man strength.

I went straight back in to, omg, can I do this mode.

Turns out, I was worried for nothing.

Every grapple that morning I was able to remain dominate and submit my partner.  Except the grapple in which I grappled a 230 pound purple belt man.  I am pretty sure that grapple looked similar to this..


My last grapple of the morning was with the man in question.  I was not expecting to grapple him.  I had been feeling pretty confident, and proud of my self for repping BJJ decently for women everywhere. (Because, clearly that was what was going on.  lol)

He was very nice and complimentary though.  He said, he had watched me grapple all morning and was impressed, and he was pretty sure I was about to beat him up.

And I went into that grapple with every intent to show him just how effective BJJ was for women.  Or at least, as as effectively as I could.  There are plenty of other women who could prove that point SOO much better than I can.

Anyway, I submitted him several times, and afterward he seemed legitimately happy.  He said he was now excited for his daughter and wife to train, and how grappling me was completely different that anyone else he had ever grappled.  He said, no matter what he did he could shake me off, or get a decent hold on me.  And that made him happier about training BJJ in general because it does in fact work.


The point of all of that, was not to talk about how I beat up boys, or pat myself on the back, but to let anyone else who might be wondering, if BJJ is effective for women, it is.

That experience made me more confident in myself, and happier about teaching BJJ to other women. I hadn't ever really grappled a man with the intent to subdue him, or at least that had never consciously been my goal.

All of that being said, I want to add that I have been training BJJ for 3.5 years, and I believe it will take a couple of years for your average woman to be able to subdue and submit your average untrained man.  But, BJJ can be live savingly effective as early as six months into training.  Escapes and defense come first in the line of skills sets you find with BJJ.  And I always, always, always tell my girls, if God forbid, they were to find themselves in a situation where they have to fight for their lives, to fight to escape, not fight to win.  Get them off of you and get away.  And BJJ can absolutely teach you how to do that.

So.

Recap.

BJJ works for women.

The end!

Red is still my favorite color..

Monday night Fabio gave me my purple belt.

I feel very undeserving and nervous about it, but I've come to realize how I feel about the color of my belt matters zero.  All I need to do is grapple like I think I deserve it.  I think it was

Royce Gracie who said, 'The belt only covers two inches of your ass, and the rest is up to you.'  (Or something like that.)  Turns out that's highly accurate.

When I started BJJ I was an out of shape, awkward, bookworm with absolutely no aptitude for BJJ.  I am still an awkward bookworm but thanks for Fabio and the rest of my team the other two things no longer apply.

Obviously Fabio has played a major role in my getting to this point.  His instruction and encouragement have been invaluable, but my teammates have been just as important.  They are the ones who sacrifice their time, emotion, energy and their bodies for me to practice the sport I love.  Without them, I couldn't train at all.  Outside of all the wonderful things BJJ brings into my life, it can be mindbogglingly frustrating and physically painful.  Sometimes, I think we forget that the rest of our teammates have similar struggles, but still train, help and encourage others. ... and they count just as much as Fabio.

While every person, and every grapple has helped me get to where I am, a few people have helped more than others, and some of them for nothing in return.

Erica is literally my perfect training partner.  She is my weight, my height and my same skill level... And motivated like no other.  She pushes herself always and in turn pushes me.  She is humble, and always has words of encouragement.  Every grapple with her is challenging yet still fun, and being that we are the same size, she is my ideal partner for getting ready to compete.  I love her on and off the mat, she is a good friend and great training partner.  I am so thankful for her!

Jimmy has probably endured more questions from me than anyone else.  If I get stuck on anything, which is often, he is the person I ask.  I am fairly retarded, so sometimes it's not so easy to help me over my hurdles, but he always find a way to make me understand.  And he is really good at helping me translate things to my own body type.  Obviously my gangly girl body is going to go about things slightly differently than the way he would go about doing them, and he helps me to see what will work for me...something I still struggle with.  We have all body types in our women's class and I wish I could as easily tweak techniques to make them more applicable to the individual girls doing them.  His brain understands BJJ about 90 billion times better than mine does.

 And these guys, are always willing to help me out in whatever way I've asked.  Whether I needed a special guest in my class, or I needed to pepper them with questions, after class... or sometimes during or before class, they have always done so happily.  

Anthony! Congratulations on your brown belt!  It looks so nice with your brown face!  ha! 

Brian, and his annoying armbars makes me strive to suck less at escapes.

And Doug I consider to be man version of me.  We have kinda similar body types, so I like watching him grapple.  A lot of what he does will work for me as well.. You know, if I could stop sucking at turtle guard.  Plus, he is my fellow BJJ Jew... and lets face it.  That matters.  lol  

And of course, all of the women's team.  Teaching BJJ has probably helped me just as much as it helps the girls I teach... if not more.  Having to think over every last detail, and walk them through every step helps to burn them into my own memory.  And their new honeymoon type love for BJJ gives me so much joy.  Some of them have already hit that inevitable wall, but endured the frustration and tears, and broke through the other side.  It inspires me, and makes me want to be better for them.  I want to be the best teacher I can be.  They deserve a teacher as dedicated and committed as they are, and I hope I can be that for them.

I love my team!


And here are a bunch of pictures of my post new belt bullying.

The closest thing I'll ever have to actual minions....

Since my ad in the Lakeland Ledger has yielded poor results, I have taken up the post as the Women's Class instructor.  It's not really the same thing as minions for world domination, but hey, close enough.  I'm not picky.

To be totally honest though, the thought of taking over the class was nauseating at best.  Due to circumstances outside her control our previous instructor, Allie had to step down.  So, I was asked to take over or let the women's class dissolve.  And after a year and a half of training with these ladies, I couldn't bear the thought of ending the class... So, I took over, fairly certain that I was not qualified to teach, and sure the girls would slowly stop coming.

I kept thinking of all the glaring holes in my own game.... Envisioning bring up a team with the same gaping holes I have... all the girls unable to manage take downs, and no one ever successfully sweeping from bottom half guard.  Ever.

And my very first class as solo instructor, my worst fear was faced, and as it turned out, it wasn't so bad.

The worst part of my game is EASILY takedowns.  I know all of two that I walk someone through easily enough but give me a resisting body and I'll likely fall down in the attempt.  And I am not joking about that either, my second competition I was determined to take someone down, so I tried... and fell down. (I did manage to recover and win that match though.  So at least there was that.) 

My first class was the last class before a competition, so I asked the girls what they wanted to go over... Takedowns.  Of course.  So, I tried not to throw up in my mouth, and got to walking them through take downs, and then had them work take down drills... and low and behold, knowledge was gained and takedowns happened.

I realized I knew more then I thought, and could impart BJJ how to, to others.  Something that I never really appreciated how difficult would be. Using words to explain how to swivel or switch a hip was harder than I thought.

But six weeks into teaching, I am starting to enjoy it.  One of the ladies recently had a major epiphany one class, and we both felt like this kid.

Not to mention, I think it is making me better as well.  I have to think of every step of every move to make sure I relay the proper information.  Not to mention having to troubleshoot with the girls when they hit a block.  It makes me think and find answers.

However, as good as the class is going, it doesn't undo the fact that I still have major holes in my game.  So, I've asked some of the guys who excel the things I ruin horrifically to come to class and teach those things for me.  This is a double win.  I think it is beneficial to the girls to have a different instructor with a different point of view from time to time, but it is awesome for me too, because basically I am having tailor made classes that help me where I am weakest.

And thankfully, I have a awesome team that has been very willing to help me when I ask.  So, thanks guys!!

BJJ hair for Women III

I've blogged before about how I wear when I grapple, and how I went from having waist length hair to almost almost no hair at all over the course of my training, and how BJJ is brutal on hair.  You have to wash it constantly, and it gets pulled out, ripped and damaged pretty much the whole time you are grappling.

And while I have found the best way to keep MY hair our of my face and from getting stuck under people's butts and knees (Though its getting long, so I am going to have to figure something else out.) I hadn't yet figured out how to keep my hair from looking and feeling like I abuse it.

On top of abusing my hair in BJJ, I also abuse my hair off the mat.  I have curly awful unruly hair, and if I don't want to look like I am in a constant state of bedhead, I have to straighten my hair every time I wash it, and I bleach and recolor my hair every 4-6 weeks.  I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who is as mean to their hair as I am.

And after four years I have finally found a shampoo and conditioner that actually makes my hair feel and look less damaged than it is.   Honestly, I don't know if it actually does repair my hair, but it certainly feels like it does.  Plus, it smells good.

John Frieda Full Repair shampoo and conditioner is amazing.  

Soap Box: Mean Girls

I am going to soap box today... Sorry.  Girl-Jitsu, LLC posted an article recently.  It was submitted by a reader, and does not reflect the opinion of Girl-Jitsu... that being said, the article touched on essentially my biggest pet peeve in BJJ.  Women who are condescending and mean to the other girls on their team. 

That. Is. Bullshit.  

It is hard enough to be a woman on the mat without the few other women bullying you and making you feel unwelcome.

I think we as women are taught from a young age to compare ourselves to other women.  Am I prettier? Am I smarter? Are my shoes cuter?  If no, then point out all the things that make you better than that girl.  Not to mention how we are basically shown what we need to look and act like by society, and God forbid we fall short of what we are very clearly told what is good enough and what isn't.  

That in and of itself is crap as well, but I won't go off on that tangent.

When it comes to BJJ, we as women have to make ourselves VERY vulnerable to train.  We have to put our heart, soul, sweat and tears into our training... in a room full of men who are climbing all over us, and kicking our asses.  Literally.

It is hard.  It can suck a very large amount.  But I feel like BJJ is the common ground we all as women need.  It is the great equalizer.  We can, should, and need to put all the petty female rivalry we were born into behind us.  Use BJJ to help lift each other up for a change.  Support each other.  Be there for each other.  

BJJ has changed my life in such a dramatic astounding way, and brings me so much joy and happiness I want more than anything to share that with the other people, and especially the women in my life.  I want everyone to have access to the wonderful world of BJJ.  I would never in a million years try to squeeze someone out because I didn't like her, was jealous, or because I didn't like her personality. 

BJJ is so more than that.  

So, stop it.  Stop being mean.  Stop being condescending.  Just stop.  Appreciate each other for what you are.  Thank them for being there for you to train with.  They are walking down a similar arduous path.  BJJ is hard... and while their journey may be different than yours, know they too, have similar struggles.  Other women are going to be the only ones who know what it's like to be smaller and weaker than a man.  It is a frustrating thing to always be weaker, and capable of being overpowered   Most men won't know what it's like.  They won't understand when it makes you cry... But your female teammate will.  You can be immensely powerful tools to each other, but just as just as immensely defeating.  Don't be that girl.

I am not saying you have to be BFFs with every girl that walks in the door, but while you share the mat with them, treat them them the way you would want someone to treat your sister, or your daughter or your mom.

Mission Accomplished!

This weekend Fabio Novaes BJJ took the NAGA Pan Ams by storm.

No seriously.  By storm.

This was far and away the biggest turn out we have had for a competition.

(We are missing four girls in this picture.)

We had more female competitors at this tournament then we had total for the Miami Open, most of them were competing for their first time, and every single one of our girls placed!  I am beyond proud of them, and not just because they all did well, but because they had the courage to get out there and do it.

This tournament was awesome.  Everyone who competed has been busting their asses for the past couple of months getting ready for it, and everyone had their hard work rewarded on the mat, not to mention the fact that because everyone pushed themselves so hard in their training, it benefited the team as a whole.  We are all better grapplers now then we would be if we didn't have this tournament to drive everyone forward.

Nicely done, Team Fabio Novaes!

   

And not to neglect the ever so slightly less pretty side of the team:

Thank you for all that you do Fabio and Roberta!!