I do not have a black eye. Yay!

And it appears that I do not have fangs lodged in my bite, but hurts a LOT more then I would have thought. I mean, it’s like 20 little puncture wounds… but my finger feels like it was run through a pasta maker. It doesn’t really make sense… I know snakes bite hard, but it’s not like their crushing power is in their mouth… it’s the body… and she had my whole hand and wrist wrapped up, not my finger. But either way, Sally seems to be fine so I am happy.. and I was worried about infection because snakes have filthy mouths, but as of right I don’t think there is any infection. The punctures are not inflamed at all.. so far. I cleaned it really well, and put Neosporin on it last night.

Worst walk ever.

I had not walked/run in two days, and both days I did not walk I failed at my attempt to eat right. I ended up having to eat out twice, and no matter how hard you try, it’s REALLY had to eat right when you are at a restaurant.

Tonight I was determined to at least walk… so I did…and it went badly. Normally I go a little under 4 miles, and considering that I am on the verge of getting sick, I decided to only go half that.

When I got to the first dead end, and turned to head back, my dog totally postured up, and started snarling at the darkness… and I could hear something in the dark bushes. So, I turned around and started heading back, while trying to keep watch over my shoulder for whatever was in the bushes. China was unwilling to come, so I had to pull her… and she wriggled out of her collar and disappeared into the darkness.. and then silence. I called her a few times, but I was unwilling to venture into the darkness myself… I turned to head home... planning on coming back with a gun and a flashlight. ..seriously. Running as fast as I could, I got half way down the street, and heard something behind me. It was China… happy as could be, looking perfectly uninjured, and completely unwilling to let me put her collar back on. So, I let her run up and down the street beside me, as I tried to recover from my sprint. lol When I got near the busier street I got down on my knees so China would run over to me.. and she did.. full speed… crashing into my eye with her skull. Thanks for the black eye. I was kind of hoping my first black eye would be from Jiu-jitsu… but no. My dog crashed into my face. Fail.

Once I had her back on the leash, I decided I was just going to go home, even though I had only gone about a mile.

Then as I was walking past creepy guy’s house, where it is almost complete darkness, I see two people… I figured I was probably fine. Most people going for walks aren’t psycho killers, and I had my dog with me.. and know minimal Jiu-jitsu. … but those two people were walking there three dogs.. not on leashes. Three 60+ pound dogs…. Who were on us like white on rice, snarling and puffing up. Of course their owners were shouting that they were nice, and would not bite me if I didn’t act scared. Well, China was very nearly foaming at the mouth, making the deepest growl I’d ever heard her make trying desperately to attack the three dogs twice her size. So, I was of course terrified… and trying not to act scared as I was instructed by their owners. Finally the couple made it over to us, and broke up their dogs, and went on their way.

Enough excitement for one walk right? No.

Well, as I was walking the rest of the way home, who stumbles down the road? Two drunk men. Awesome. Drunk men who decided to try and talk to me, and turn around to follow me.. in spite of my CLEAR lack of interest and China’s clear attempts to eat them.

Normally, I try to be nice. I will go out of my way to brighten someone’s day. I wave at strangers, chat up my cashiers at the grocery store… I like to be nice.. being nice makes happy. But with my sore face, cramping left side, and near heart attack my patience for drunken strangers was wearing a little thin. So, I stopped, turned around and made with the stankness, mentally preparing myself to let go of the leash and break the arm of the guy China was not trying to eat… but the stank worked. They called me names and turned around. Mission accomplished.

I just had to come and edit this in...

I went into the bathroom to look at my eye... and who do I see? Salazar, my snake... in the sink. It kind of freaked me out at first.. Ahhh! Snake! .. Then relief. Yay! Sally! I picked her up and sat down.. then BAM! She bit me right between the fingers. I don't think it would have hurt nearly as badly as it did if she got me on the hand or arm.. but RIGHT in the soft skin between my fingers... which also made for a really difficult time trying to pry her mouth off.... one handed. I think I hurt her. =( And I think I broke some of her teeth... or at least I think I feel teeth in my finger. I feel so bad. It is not her fault, she's a snake, and I think I smelled like my dog, and I know she was hungry.. she's been wandering around the house for at least a week. It is my fault... I just hope she is okay, and that I didn't do any lasting damage. I started to panic a little bit toward the end.. I got her top teeth out, but I could feel the bottom ones start to tear skin, and I knew it was hurting her…. Not to mention the fact that it felt like my finger was being crushed off…

This is what happens when girls like me, do Jiu-jitsu...

My teachers name is Mario.

I got a Super Mario patch to put on my gi.

Weird girl + Nerd + Jiu-jitsu + Awesome teacher's named Mario =

Other girly Jiu-jitsu things: Two people noticed I have lost weight. Win. Body by Jiu-jitsu.

I changed the name of this blog.

I renamed it to reflect the most blogged about subject… Jiu-jitsu.

And on that note…

Jiu-Jitsu this morning was awesome!

Mario had us work on body hardening. If you are unfamiliar with the term, it’s pretty much someone else banging on your bones with their bones. After a while of doing that your bones will build up calcium deposits…. And over time it will hurt less when those things happen to us while fighting. So, for about 45 minutes I had to bang shins, for arms, thighs and get punched in the stomach over and over. It wasn’t so bad… but I was with a new kid who felt he had something to prove, and was hitting me far harder then what was necessary.

After the body hardening, we worked on how to fall down. How to fall forward, how to fall backward, how to fall to the left, and then to the right. Lots and lots of falling. I don’t like falling. lol After that, we did some throws. I was good at that. =) Finally, something that didn’t take me 10 years to pick up. I won’t mention the person I was throwing is 5 inches shorter and almost 20 pounds lighter than me, but whatever I was good at it. lol We worked on taking someone back, and rear naked chokes… which I am getting better at as well, but I need to get tighter. The first time someone did that to me, the room starting to get dark before I could get my arm up to tap… I would LOVE to be that good at it…

Then we grappled, and for once I felt like I did well. The first person I grappled today said “Wow, you’re really good at moving.” Which made me feel really good… I made someone say Wow.. and not wow, that was terrible. lol

I was really excited after today’s class. Tuesday I got really frustrated for the first time with Jiu-jitsu, and the class before that I hurt my elbow. So, I am happy. Today went really well, and I needed it to.

I am also getting REALLY pumped about the NAGA championship this November. I think if I keep with it, I will do well if they don’t combine the skill levels. I would be a novice, which is less than 6 months of training… and if there are not enough women, they combine the skill levels, and weight classes. I’m not as worried about the weight classes being combined because I am kind of a giant, but I don’t want to go up against someone with a lot more training then I’ve had. Though, my teacher Mario seems to think I’d do well. But he is my teacher; he is supposed to say that.

Strength Training.

It seems a little funny to me that at the same time I decide to get my body into better physical condition, God decides I need some spiritual strength training as well. .. and I don’t know about you, but I would rather run my body into the ground day in and day out, then be put through one of God’s training regiments. I appear to have no say in the matter, so I’m just going to keep praying for the strength to get through this, and any prayers you want to send my way would be much, much appreciated.

This is the new way to tan.

The mornings after Jiu-jitsu I always wake up with at least 5-6 new bruises. Last night we did take downs from standing, as a result I have 10 or 12 new ones. And it’s not like my older bruises have faded by the time the new ones show up, they are just various shades of yellow and green. So basically at any given moment I’ve got 20+ bruises ranging from purple to yellow... and there is no way around it. I love Jiu-jitsu, and Jiu-jitsu gives me bruises… so I will just have to deal. Most of them tend to be on my inner thighs, knees and elbows. But I have gotten them pretty much everywhere except my face… (and I know it’s coming, I’ve just be able to avoid it thus far.) Fingers, toes, hips, arms stomach, back, shoulders hand, wrist….

So, this is my plan. I am going to try to get a full head to toe body bruise, and hope it looks like a tan. It’s pretty much the only way I could ever accomplish a tan, and a full body bruise isn’t too far from what I have now anyway.

This is not a waffle.

I make waffles from scratch for my kids. I use whole grain flour, so I know they are better for you and taste better then the frozen ones.

This morning I knew I was going to be in a hurry, (Or at least I thought I would be...) so I bought some frozen ones so I could just toast them and go... Anyway, I handed one to Micah and he looks at me like I am some kind of moron...

"Uhhh... What is that?"

"It's a waffle, eat it."

Micah insisted for a few minutes that it wasn't a waffle, and that I had lost my mind, but I convinced him it was an eggo, and that it was yummy.

I'm just not sure how I feel about my almost 5 year old not recognizing a waffle. lol And it's not like this was the first frozen waffle he has ever had... It just made me laugh. I love that kid.

Injuries and other random things.

I got my first real jiu jitsu injury. I popped two capsules in my elbow. Woohoo! lol

It happened Saturday morning, and tonight it is all ready feeling better. I’ve been keeping it on ice, and I even wrapped an ice pack on to my arm when I went to bed. (Which isn’t the best idea… I went to bed cold, and woke up with a soaking wet arm.) Being wet and cold aside, I do think it helped. Sunday morning it was really bothering me, but like I said… it is starting to feel a lot better. I can almost fully extend it now without pain. I’m hoping that it will be fully recovered by Tuesday so I can get my revenge. lol Kidding, kidding. No revenge needed… it was totally an accident.

I’ve been doing yoga for almost two weeks, and I have walked 3-4 miles every single night for 22 days. … Woohoo, again. Though, the past two nights I’ve been semi-harassed by weirdoes. I am never walking without my dog again. And just a heads up guys… honking, hooting or making kissy faces at me will only make me want you to do four things….

1. 1 Get a potato.

2. 2 Wrap it in foil.

3. 3 Put it in your pocket.

4. 4 Die in a fire.

This way, you will be gone and I will have a baked potato. lol It’s win-win.

Seriously though, has that ever worked… You honk your horn at a girl, and then suddenly she wants your body? I’m pretty sure it hasn’t… so, knock it off.

And on a semi-sad note, my favorite jiu jitsu teacher started a new job this week, so he won’t be able to continue teaching our class. He’s an awesome teacher, and I will miss him, but I am super happy for him and his new job.

Shark!

I got one of those Shark steamer vacs, and it came with this little hand held steam gun. I love it! lol - I am not one of those weirdoes who likes cleaning.... but I like cleaning with that thing. My kitchen has never been so clean. I steam cleaned every surface in there last night. It was my daily exercise in futility, as it will be a mess again before tomorrow. My house + four kids = omg mess.

Today, (if I can manage it...) I am going to steam clean the inside of my fridge, and the inside of the dishwasher.... and then at some point... the bathroom. Dun dun dun!

Curse you retardedly shaped body!

Curse you retardedly shaped body!

I am trying to buy a gi for jiu jitsu. I am having several problems with this.

1. I am not a man.
2. My arms are disproportionally long for my body.
3. I have no upper body muscle, and I have boobs.
4. I am 10 feet tall.

So, what this means is the gis that will fit my blasted monkey arms are like 20+ pounds outside my weight range. And since I have really long arms, I am really self conscious about sleeves being too short… so I need to find out if I should just swim in my gi, or have short sleeves.
The other option is get a female gi… and I can find no girl gi’s on ebay… So, I have to buy one new, and they aren’t cheap… Female gis are more expensive then the male ones, but they would fit me properly weight/height wise.. So… do I spend the extra money on one that will fit me properly?... or will it not make that big of a difference… and I also need to find out if I do go with the male gi, should I go for the right weight, or height and just feel like an idiot in my too-short sleeves.

I also want to know if I can wear black even though I am a jiu jitsu newb. And does the black fade quickly… Because if I am going to drop extra money on a black female gi, I don’t want it to be grey in a few months…

Yoga.

I started yoga a few days ago... but then my upper body fell off at Jiu Jitsu, and I haven't tried to do it since.... and inspite of the fact that I am so sore getting out from under my blanket hurts, I am going to attempt to do it again today.

Sleeeeeep

I have been so tired the past few days.

I don't know if it is that I am working my body too hard, or if my company is just waking me up too much at night, or my attempt to cut out coffee... or a combination of the three, but either way if I dont' start getting some more sleep soon, the rest of the world is going to regret it. LOL I get mean when I get too little sleep, and I can feel my self stuck right between.. "I'm tired..." and "If you don't shut your mouth so I can sleep my head is going to explode."

Gym bag?!

How did I go from uber nerd, to gym bag girl?!

I've become semi-obsessed with Jiu-Jitsu... and by obsessed, I just mean really, really excited. I LOVE it! I look forward to class so much.. and I'm even a little excited about learning how to get punched in the face. lol... Scared, but also excited.

And it is affecting the way I do everything. For example, I wear a wallet chain... and when I was putting my pants on yesterday, I was like... "Hey, I shouldn't wear this.. It's like a handle on my butt for someone to get a hold of.” Then the nerdy side of my brain was like… “I could just get some sort of quick release clip…” and then “But then they would have a chain to choke me with…” …and yes, I do have conversations with myself in side my head on a semi-regular basis… and yes, I know that means I have either lost or am losing my mind, but whatever. At least I always have someone to talk to. lol

I am sure my family and friends will very quickly get irritated with my non-stop jiu-jitsu talk, and I’m sure I have chased off anyone who ever considered reading my non-sense blog, but I’m really excited, so I don’t care… and I think a part of the reason I am so excited about it is because the two trainers are freaking amazing. Brian is my favorite though, and I that is probably because I have worked with him the most, and he makes me really comfortable…well… I should say I am more comfortable with him then any of the other guys. He is, like I said, amazing and could kill me with his bare hand before I even knew what was going on, and there for completely intimidating, but he doesn’t make me feel stupid or like I am irritating him. Plus, he tells me that I am doing well, when I know I am not… but it makes me feel better about my epic crappiness. He is a very visual teacher too, and that is how my brain works… So, it helps me a lot. And he applies things to real life situations. For example when I was grappling with him Saturday... (And by grappling with him, I mean flailing like a fish under him) he grabbed me by the throat, and showed me how that is no different than other positions... it’s just more intimidating, but I should do the same things he was showing me earlier. That was a really valuable lesson. God forbid I ever find myself in that kind situation, but I know now how to react to something like that did happen.

Anyway, it also is helping me to get into better shape. I’m a girl, so I’m always wanting to be in better shape, but now it’s like I want to be stronger, and more fit.. Not just so I feel better about myself, but because I want to be better at Jiu-jitsu… and that motivates me SO much more then, oh man, I want to not look like a whale in my tight jeans. Because let’s face it… Chocolate trumps tight jeans, but Jiu-Jitsu totally trumps chocolate.

As if right now my major issues are:
1. I am HYPER aware of the way I smell. I want to not stink, and am uncomfortable sticking people’s heads in my arm pits and between my legs…. And sadly that is where I need to stick heads if I want to pin anyone anywhere. I’ve got to man up, and jam heads where I feel they don’t belong.

2. I need to worry less about putting my body on people. I mean the guys I’ve worked with thus far I am comfortable with, but I just am uncomfortable LAYING down on top of someone. I feel the need to keep some space between my chest and theirs. …which is fail for Jiu-Jitsu. I NEED to put my weight on them… not to mention the space gives lots of opportunity for whoever I am grappling to get their wedges in.

3. I have to work on remembering what I know while grappling. I tend to forget everything in the heat of the moment… then afterward, I’m thinking, I should have done this, or I should have done that. It’s like when someone says something, and you think of something funny to say back like 5 minutes after they’ve left. It’s irritating.

If I can accomplish those things, I think I will be at least semi-less sucky… and also, if I can get to the point where I don’t feel like I have been run over by a truck at the end of class that will be good too. Sadly, I think I am going to just have to be perpetually bruised for however long I keep this up…which I foresee being a long time. Though maybe my soft fleshy girl body will get used to the abuse and I’ll stop looking like a battered woman.

Oh, and I need to work on my flexiblity. Bendy is good.

Bad Mommy Points.

I was soaking my feet in the tub last night, and Micah came in to go to the bathroom. He was singing and being cute, so I was really quiet so I could listen to him without interrupting him. I had the shower curtain pulled shut, and he didn’t notice me at all…. So after about 10 minutes being the awesome mom that I am, I decided to scare him. I roared and grabbed him through the curtain. He screamed and ran all the way to his bedroom. It was hilarious.... until he started crying.

Oh well, live and learn. Don’t scare your 4 year old while he is trying to go to the bathroom.

Jiu-jitsu!

So, I started Jiu-jitsu. I went for the first time yesterday... and today my body hates me. lol Well, actually it's just my lower body. Lifting kids all day has apparently made the top half of my body not as wussy as my lower half... I would have guessed the other way around; my legs are where I am strongest... Oh well. I'll get used to the punishment eventually.

The other major adjustment is...Good bye personal space. Nothing like having a stranger explain the mount position while on top of you. O.O Though, the trainers were REALLY nice, and very professional. I wasn't uncomfortable with them sitting on me so much as the adjusting to people getting inside my bubble. It's my bubble and I don't like when people are all in my area. I've got two kids that use me as a chair, monkey bars, and bed all day a long so I am getting to the point where if you aren't my kid... get off me. lol I just get tired of being climbed on all day long. It really wasn't all that bad though; I did enjoy it, and got probably the best work out of my life. …and good bye personal space, hello skinny jeans is a fair trade if you ask me.

I’m going to keep going, provided the child care issue can be worked out.