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I think it was doubly so last night because I was trying two new things.
One of them being heel hooks.
Hold your gasping and declarations of my white belt status for just a second though... I am FULLY aware of the dangers of heel hooks. Further, I have never, and never plan to crank any submission of any kind. In my opinion the danger of heel hooks comes from lack of control, not lack of color on your belt. They don't always go hand in hand.
No worries either way though, because I apparently blow super hard at heel hooks. I do however, think it was my hesitance, and failure to commit. I think a full 10-15 seconds before I actually attempted the heel hooking it was painfully obvious that was what I was planning to do. Which resulted in my being followed and mounted when I fell back for the leg. Wrong.
The other thing I wanted to try was the head and arm choke from bottom side control thing Yeti showed me last week.
To even attempt that I need to be in someone's side control... which is my very least favorite place to be. (Actually, I think it is mount now... my side control escapes are starting to suck less... but it could just be the epic amounts of time I spent mounted last night. Blarg.)
And again, I think my failure was due to lack of speed in execution... I spent too much time thinking about what I was going to do when I should have been doing it. Every time I tried the choke knees got in my way, or my own arms. Again, wrong!
What it all boils down to is the same thing I have always struggled with. Failure to commit, especially when it comes to submissions. You'd think I'd get over that by now, especially considering I know it is a problem. Another general failing was my lack of practice applying said submissions on a actively resisting body. Learning how to move with, and around resistance is a major factor in BJJ. I don't expect to just be able to learn and instantly implement different techniques in to a live grapple.
It was just one of those nights where I leave feeling like I should peel all my stripes off and wondering why I even bother to train at all because I am clearly not cut out of it. In the less mopey light of morning I feel slightly better, and slightly worse about myself. I know everyone has ups and downs, and one bad night ... or several bad nights in a row... doesn't mean I should hang up my gi.
I just rest assured knowing that my addiction to grappling will keep me on the mat even if my bad streak lasts the next few years.
Success through failure... If that is the only way I can find success, than that is what I will have to do. I will eventually get it right.
It just really sucks to feel this way with a competition looming in the future. If I hadn't already told Fabio I was going to do it, I would probably back out.