You too can grapple.

I have had a realization.

No one, and I mean no one, ever in the history of the world or in the endless future of this planet will anyone else be as awful at Brazilian Jiu-jitsu as I was on my first day.

I'm not dogging myself either.  I am just being honest, and I am okay with my very extremely humble beginnings.

I think it is a testament to my instructors, teammates, and even to my own determination and dedication that I have come this far.

I know I have a tendency to exaggerate, but for the sake of the point I am making, I am going to speak in facts...  And yes, I was really this bad when I started.

When I started I was an out of shape, over weight mom, nerdy mom.  Other than some running in high school, I had zero athletic background.  None.  And what is worse, I really believed that as a girl, being weak and nonathletic was not only okay, but the right way to be.

I very clearly remember my first day.  I was horrible at everything.  Everything.  It took me three months to get a forward roll right, and I mean from sitting, not standing.  I just couldn't do it.  My instructor at the time Mario, bless him and his infinite patience, had to help me.. and by help, I mean basically pull my legs over my head for me, for weeks until my body could figure out which muscles I was supposed to use to get my ass over my head while going forward.   Once I could do it myself, I went sideways for a looong time.  In his also infinite wisdom he didn't even bother asking me to try rolling backward until I had been going for several weeks.  I eventually did get it right though...forward and, believe it or not, backward.

I barely, and I mean BARELY made it through warm ups.  I had to stop and walk twice while we jogged what was maaaaybe a quarter mile in laps around the mat.  Mario jogged alongside me to encourage me, and I remember being absolutely FLOORED that he could not only do it, but he was talking to me totally unwinded - unphased at what I was truly struggling to do.

I couldn't hip out either.  I couldn't even wrap my head around what the heck he was asking my body to do. He showed me about seventeen times, and explained over and over that I was supposed to basically move my butt up to where my head was by way putting my foot near my butt and pushing my body up.  Nope.  Does not compute.  I ended up doing an extremely awkward, embarassing backward inchworm maneuver on my back across the mat and back.

Then it was time to grapple.

"Attack me."

Nope.

I remember thinking, "How am I supposed to do that?" I did bumble through three grapples that day, that were very much a blur.  People were putting their bodies on me, sweat happened, my head went in crotches, arm pits were near my face.  I was being touched.  A lot.  And at the time I was very much a person who required person space.

I did not want people even to be inside my orange circle, but everyone was all up in my red circle like they belonged there.  It was horrifying.

The morning after my first class, it hurt to get out from under my blanket.  Not because I was hurt, but because I was so out of shape, and my muscles were so accustomed to not being used that a single class of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu nearly crippled my upper body.  (Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but it did hurt to move my blanket.)

But against the odds I loved it.

And I kept going.  And I kept trying.  And I kept getting frustrated.  And I kept crying when I got home.  But, I kept going.  And slowly, I got better.  I still get frustrated.  I still cry sometimes.  But I still go.  I still try.  I still love it.  And I am still getting better... but happily I am a far cry from where I started.

Now that I help Allie with the women's class I see a lot of female beginners, and that is what made me realize just how terribly uncoordinated and out of shape I was when I started.  The first few times I saw people do forward rolls on their first try, I was kind of shocked, but now I see that being able to do that is something most normal people can do on their first try.  lol

I grapple almost all the girls on their first day, and am still shocked at how well some of them do on their first day in comparison to my first day, which for the longest time, I assumed was normal.

It just makes me realize all the more, that.. Yes... everyone can do this.  No matter how much you think you don't have the ability, or that it isn't something you could do... You can.  Trust me, you can.  You just have to try, and keep on trying.

I don't think I am great, or even above average... at best I am an average blue belt, but the fact that I came from where I was to being an average grappler in a little less than two and a half years gives me a sense of pride.  With the help of some really great coaches and amazing teammates, I have come pretty far.

It makes me really happy.

Results of the first Women's Team competition!

About a year ago we started the women's team at Fabio Novaes BJJ.

It was a little rocky at first, and it took several months to get a group of regular girls coming to train.  Not  counting me and Allie we have eight dedicated girls who love training, and about 4 or 5 others who come intermittently and of course some of the girls who train at Fabio's with us that help out with the women's class too.  It's a really great group of girls and I absolutely love them all.

Madison, Me, Rowan, Victoria, Allie and Ashley!

This weekend four of them donned their gis and competed for the first time. .. and kicked ass!

Victoria braiding Rowan's hair.

Madison and Rowan both competed in this kids division, and Victoria and Ashley in the adult female division.

Rowan, who has been training with us the longest, at just under a year, was accidentally put into the intermediate division, which is 2-5 years.  In spite of that, she did EXTREMELY well.  And I am super proud of her!

Madison is the only one of the girls who has competed before.  Last time she competed she broke her elbow her first grapple in, and had to take couple of months off.  Anxious to get back at it, she competed again this weekend.

She took second place in no-gi.  She lost her match on points, but grappled very well.  She won first in gi!  She competed again a juvenile purple belt.  I've never heard of that before, but apparently at this school kids work from white to black as kids/teens then at sixteen start at blue belts.  It's weird and seems very McDojo-y to me, but never the less, Madison fought a girl in a purple belt, took her down, and submitted her in under two minutes.  Very cool.

Victoria grappled like a beast!  She did us all proud taking home bronze in no gi!  She had two five man divisions which is HUGE as far as women go.  It makes me really happy to see more and more women competing.  At my first competition three years ago, there were 5 women total.  Huge leaps in women's BJJ in Florida! So awesome!

Ashley our newest member grappling for only three months took home silver in gi and no gi!  Woohoo!  She had to fight a girl in no gi with a significant weight advantage, but moved really well considering.  She was up on points when she got caught in an armbar.  Go Ashley!

So completely proud of everyone!! 

At Dawn We Ride!

Tomorrow morning four ladies from our women's class are going to compete for the first time!!  I am so nervous and excited for them!  I know I am biased, but I think they will all do well.  Most of them have been training for 3-6 months.  So, they are jumping into the competition scene pretty early, but I think it will benefit their grappling, and their confidence.  So proud of them!!

Look out NAGA.  This hot mess is coming after your ladies.

A strange observation.

I have noticed recently that I grapple my best when I am completely and utterly out matched.  It makes no sense.  

If I grapple someone who I cab obliterate with my eyes closed (which is limited to 40 pound sleeping 5 year olds) or someone who is close to my level, sure I do okay.  I can do things right.  I can finish submissions.  I can escape submissions... and of course get submitted.

But there are two really awesome grapplers in particular that when I grapple them, I feel like I am absolutely at the top of my game.  I lose.  Hard.  For the entire duration of the grapple.  But I feel like if I always grappled the way I grapple them, I would be way better than I am. 

It makes about as much sense at this picture does.

Sadly, I can only be awesome 5 minutes at a time, and generally with only those two people... and I spend the 5 minutes of grappling super powers losing.  Its like a cruel joke.

It is especially cruel when I feel like I can walk on water post grappling them, then go grapple someone else and it's like... Oh yeah, I forgot, I am terrible at this!

It's like a depressing reverse rags to riches story every time.

Make Your Own Shapeable Ice Packs

I am pretty sure every last grappler on earth has at some point needed to ice something.

I have this really awesome ice mud pack that freezes (and microwaves) but it doesn't freeze solid, thus letting me mold it to my injuries.  It also has a Velcro strap, so I can strap it on, and go about my business.  It was expensive though, and once I wear it it takes several hours to refreeze.

If I want to ice it again before its cold, I either end up using an ace bandage to strap a pack of frozen vegetables to myself... or putting ice cubes in a bag and strapping that to my body... But I hate wasting the vegetables, and I hate the hard home made poky ice packs.

But I have just discovered this little gem.

If you mix one part rubbing alcohol with three parts water, and put it in the freezer, it will get really cold, but the alcohol will keep the water from freezing solid so you can mold it to your injury.

Stick in in a pillow case, or wrap a towel around it and tada, awesome ice pack. 

Competitions

I've been a little quiet on the blog front as of late.  I don't know if I should say, 'Sorry', or 'You're Welcome'.  Choose which ever is more applicable.

I have two competitions coming up in the next four months.  It is time to start thinking about goals.

Once again, I am exhibiting signs of irrationality and mental unsoundness.  I think I am going light weight for the Miami Open.  I have to lose roughly 12 pounds in 4 months.  That would basically be 200-300 less calories per day from now until then, and I would easily make my goal.  That could easily go unnoticed as far as self control goes.

I'm not even worried about it.

The other thing I want to work on is my lower half.  I would like to suck less at escaping and applying leg attacks.  They make me so nervous I never really try to apply them, or escape.  I am paranoid I will roll the wrong way and break myself, or the same would happen to someone I tried to leg lock.  I'm just not secure enough to know when to let go and when to hold on.  So, I need to fix that.

And escapes.  Always escapes... escapes from everywhere.  I feel like they will never good enough.

My ovaries don't like Jiu-jitsu

This will not be the first hormone fueled BJJ rant on this blog, and for that I am sorry, but alas... I am who I am, therefor I blog about it.

Every so often my hormones and I have a a major disagreement.  My hormones want me to act out irrationally, cry, and generally be a party pooper, and I want to continue fooling people into believing that I am a sane rational adult.... It is a very fine line to walk, and sadly, I walk it like a sloppy drunk every once in a while.

On top of that, the general time in which my hormones rally in numbers and threaten collapse in on me like a dying star, my anemia gets worse.  I get more tired, and crabby than normal... and you know hormones.. anemia.. dying star...  not a great combination.  

Most of the time Jiu-jitsu helps me to work out my frustrations, thus I am able to continue life without making the 11:00 news.  

Sometimes however, the stars align just right... anemia, epic hormones, and jiu-jitsu frustrations happen all at the same time.

This is one of those unfortunate times.

There is a competition coming up soon, and when we have competitions nearing, Fabio has us work takedowns more than normal.  I've said it before, and I will say it again, I suck at a takedowns.  Monday night he had us work one I just could not do.  The more I tried the less it worked, and I tried until I got to the point where tears were becoming a possibility.  So, I stopped.  I've cried twice in class, and I there is pretty much nothing I hate more than crying in my gi in a room full of men.

Crisis avoided.

Tuesday, I was not as lucky.

One of my teammates is a 238 pound professional MMA fighter.  I grappled him for the first time Tuesday.  No gi.  He was also in class post-massage, so he was literally oiled up and completely slippery.  I could not have held on to his elbow if my life depended on it... and thanks to my hormones, and frustration I was grappling like an epic spaz who's life did actually depend on the outcome of that grapple.

I managed to defend myself the duration of the grapple, but generally felt completely disgusted with my lack of ability to do anything other than lay on the mat in the fetal position praying for death.

Logically, my brain tells me that I am not expected to be able to fight off and subdue a 238 pound professional fighter covered in baby oil, but my hormones tell me I should slump myself in to a ball of self hatred in the corner and weep whilst trying to hide my entire body inside my gi top.

My hormones won.

Which of course resulted in more self loathing for crying at the gym, and... you see where I am going with this.. Vicious cycle my grappling hating ovaries forces me to go through whenever they rally together and find the strength to over power the logical side of my brain.

(Which less face it, isn't that hard to do.)

I did not have class today though, so I was able to give my mind, hormones and body the rest they very much needed.

Before next class I am going to give my brain an epic end of the world movie speech.  Perhaps I will watch Lord of The Rings for some epic speech ideas.  Though, if I am honest with myself I'll probably just cry into my bag of Doritos at the opening hobbit scene in this sad state of emotional distress.

Maybe I will just kick myself in the face, and yell "This is Sparta!"

This.  Exactly this.