My ovaries don't like Jiu-jitsu

This will not be the first hormone fueled BJJ rant on this blog, and for that I am sorry, but alas... I am who I am, therefor I blog about it.

Every so often my hormones and I have a a major disagreement.  My hormones want me to act out irrationally, cry, and generally be a party pooper, and I want to continue fooling people into believing that I am a sane rational adult.... It is a very fine line to walk, and sadly, I walk it like a sloppy drunk every once in a while.

On top of that, the general time in which my hormones rally in numbers and threaten collapse in on me like a dying star, my anemia gets worse.  I get more tired, and crabby than normal... and you know hormones.. anemia.. dying star...  not a great combination.  

Most of the time Jiu-jitsu helps me to work out my frustrations, thus I am able to continue life without making the 11:00 news.  

Sometimes however, the stars align just right... anemia, epic hormones, and jiu-jitsu frustrations happen all at the same time.

This is one of those unfortunate times.

There is a competition coming up soon, and when we have competitions nearing, Fabio has us work takedowns more than normal.  I've said it before, and I will say it again, I suck at a takedowns.  Monday night he had us work one I just could not do.  The more I tried the less it worked, and I tried until I got to the point where tears were becoming a possibility.  So, I stopped.  I've cried twice in class, and I there is pretty much nothing I hate more than crying in my gi in a room full of men.

Crisis avoided.

Tuesday, I was not as lucky.

One of my teammates is a 238 pound professional MMA fighter.  I grappled him for the first time Tuesday.  No gi.  He was also in class post-massage, so he was literally oiled up and completely slippery.  I could not have held on to his elbow if my life depended on it... and thanks to my hormones, and frustration I was grappling like an epic spaz who's life did actually depend on the outcome of that grapple.

I managed to defend myself the duration of the grapple, but generally felt completely disgusted with my lack of ability to do anything other than lay on the mat in the fetal position praying for death.

Logically, my brain tells me that I am not expected to be able to fight off and subdue a 238 pound professional fighter covered in baby oil, but my hormones tell me I should slump myself in to a ball of self hatred in the corner and weep whilst trying to hide my entire body inside my gi top.

My hormones won.

Which of course resulted in more self loathing for crying at the gym, and... you see where I am going with this.. Vicious cycle my grappling hating ovaries forces me to go through whenever they rally together and find the strength to over power the logical side of my brain.

(Which less face it, isn't that hard to do.)

I did not have class today though, so I was able to give my mind, hormones and body the rest they very much needed.

Before next class I am going to give my brain an epic end of the world movie speech.  Perhaps I will watch Lord of The Rings for some epic speech ideas.  Though, if I am honest with myself I'll probably just cry into my bag of Doritos at the opening hobbit scene in this sad state of emotional distress.

Maybe I will just kick myself in the face, and yell "This is Sparta!"

This.  Exactly this.

More on BJJ hair for Women.

About a year ago I blogged about how my hair has transitioned from when I started grappling to it's current state, and the various pros and cons of each stage of my hair.  

I just cut my hair even shorter, and I love it!  

One of the guys I trained with recently became engaged to the extremely talented Keather Bennett of The Millennia Salon and Spa, which ended up leading to the best thing that ever happened to my head.

Being the nerd that I am, I photo journaled the experience.

Firstly, I must say that at the Millennia Spa, they give you donuts.  Already a win. 

 Instead of panicking that half my head of hair was falling into my lap, I made a mustache out of it instead.  Clearly the logical course of action.   

 Look at all my grey hair.  I am such an old lady! lol

 

 Stop!  Color time! 

 

If you can't tell it is basically a wide mohawk you can wear down, or up if you feel so inclined.  

I have yet to do it, but this is what it looks like up:

It is perfect for grappling.  My head stays cool, it doesn't doesn't get in my way, and I don't have to keep it in a pony tail which would inevitably come undone while grappling.

And I can still make it look feminine and girly.

I can't put into words how much I love it, and how wonderful The Millenna Spa is.  The Spa is beautiful, the staff is super friendly, and clearly they did an awesome job with my head.  If you live in the Lakeland/Winter Haven area, I would highly recommend them the next time you need a massage anything done to your face, hair or nails.

The Millennia Salon and Spa

3046 Cypress Gardens Road

Winter Haven, Florida

(863) 268-8282

Flula Borg, I blog you!

For those of you yet unaware of who Flula Borg is, let me inform you...  He is the best thing that has ever happened to the internet.  Yes, ever. 

I feel like he needs a small disclaimer though.  He is the type of awesome that only awesome people like.  If you don't find him to be hilarious it probably means that you are lame.  =)  You can correct said lameness by watching more Flula.  So really, it's win win.

It is hard to explain what Flula does, so I will just use his words, "My name is Flula.  Like a Ziploc Bag I have many purposes:  Musik, Video, MC, Novel writing, Basketball, and yes Adventures!"

 And now I will show you:  

SPC is my favorite.  Clearly.

And I want to thank my friend Jennifer for being a party pooper.  For if this was not the case, I would be among the sad ranks of people who have no idea who Flula is.  It is her party pooping that lead to the discovery of this gem:

I had the pleasure of meeting Flula this weekend.  He very randomly came to Lakeland for PariahCon, and like the weirdo I am, I went to the Con just to see Flula.  However, I met a ton of really nice super friendly people.  Thanks PariahCon!   


And not surprisingly, he is just as awesome in person as he is on the internet.


And now, pictures.

   Flula was super cool about my excessive picture taking.  

 Trying and failing to be hard.  You know, like I do.

My new phone, (that Flula very awesomely made my voicemail recording for) doesn't take great pictures of moving targets and I don't think Flula stood still for more than a few seconds, so sadly my pictures didn't come out that great.  I'll have to bring my camera next time.  

Kara and I with Flula post show.  

 I love how terrified Kara looks in this picture.  

These are my favorite shoes, and Flula managed to make them even more dope for me.  

And look!  It's Flula's ass!

And now, you know who Flula is.  You are totally welcome.  I am just sorry it took this long for you to find him.

http://www.youtube.com/djflula 

https://twitter.com/flula 

https://www.facebook.com/flulaborg

http://flulaborg.com/

 And now you may be asking yourself, does Flula beatbox like a triceratops...?
Are two bees in a bush worth five horses?

...Yes, the answer is yes he does.

I may die.

I have an epic coffee addiction.  It is not uncommon for me to have 5+ different kind of coffee creamers in my fridge at a time.

I got a new flavor last week (or so I thought), and tried it.  It was pretty good.  This morning, I thought I would use it again.

I opened my fridge pulled out the creamer and poured it in my coffee.

It was kinda chunky.

"Hmm..."  I thought, "That's weird."

But I stirred it in, and drank it.  Surely, it was fine.. I just bought it.  Maybe this kind needs to be shaken prior to use.  Tasted okay... kinda weird, but I chalked it up to the breakfast I was having.

Then I went back for a second cup.  Opened the fridge, pulled out the creamer, and turned around to my coffee maker.  The coffee creamer I'd just used was still sitting there.  I'd ever put it away.

Uhhh....

Turns out, I have tried that flavor before and never finished it bottle...  It expired in March....
of 2011!

It is actually that small bottle pictured above... I posted that on TwitPic 419 days ago.

http://twitpic.com/45u0zi

Normally I never have to check or throw away coffee creamer.  I generally just consume it well before the point in which I would need to toss it.  I never bother even looking through my coffee creamer when I clean out the fridge. I don't know how this one managed to get away from me.   

Side by side of my fresh and highly expired creamer.

Good News, Bad News

Good News:

My tattoo is finished.  I went in yesterday so Sean could check that it healed properly and touch up anything that may have needed touching up.

I am going on a cruise in three weeks.

Bad News:

Both my elbow and knee have been feeling like they could use a break.

I can not grapple because of my tattoo.

Conclusion:

I am going to take a month off.  I can't actually grapple for thee weeks this month, and instead of trying to squeeze in a class here and there, I'm going to just take some time off.  I think it will be good for me as I have many minor annoying injuries that I am sure will heal much more efficiently and quickly if I lay off them.

Boo!  ...and also Yay! for the tattoo and cruise news.  I'm going to get fat and sunburnt!

I am still alive.

I haven't blogged in a while, but that is because nothing all that exciting is happening.

No serious injuries... no life altering BJJ epiphanies.  Just grappling. And that is okay with me.  I will gladly grapple for the sake of grappling any day.

I will also blog for the sake of blogging, so here are some mostly non-bjj related highlights of my recent weeks.

• I am officially in the masters division!  Woohoo!  My birthday was great ... I spent most of the past week eating... and drinking... much more than normal, but it was all in the name of fun with some of the most wonderful people I know... so I have no regrets.  =)  

• The internet told me I look like Laurence Fishburne and Danny Glover.

These are some lovely gentlemen sure... but let's face it... No woman is going to be happy to hear, "Hey!  You look like this MAN!"  Especially when  one of said men is Laurence Fishburne, smelling what I can only assume is hot garbage water.  

It wouldn't have bothered me so much if it the internet would have just been, "You look like Morpheus!"  

But no.

I look like Laurence Fishburne smelling garbage water.  

Awesome.

And I thought we were friends, internet... I thought we were friends.  

• My tattoo has healed nicely, and I been able to grapple for the past week and a half... but on the 17th I go back to have it recolored. Not that anything was wrong with it the first time around, Sean said he just wants it to recolor it once it healed.  So, I'll probably take another two weeks off after that.  Honestly the idea of taking another two weeks off bums me out, but for the sake of the tattoo on my shoulder that will be there for the entire duration of my life... I think I'll manage.
  
  And I think that pretty much covers it.
  
  Oh, and don't see Wrath of the Titans.  It is awful.  Just awful.  There was a moment at the end, where I thought for a second that Perseus was going to armbar Ares.. but alas, he did not... so every second of the movie was a epic snooze fest.  I'm getting bored just thinking about it. 

Not grappling on purpose...?!

I've been sideline for injury more times than I can remember, and due to circumstances outside my control I had to take 9 months off last year.  Each time, I counted down every minute until I could grapple again, and like the mature adult I am, I pouted like a child until I was back on the mat.  No seriously.  I pouted like a child.  Openly, and shamefully.

Last week I did something purposefully that I knew would sideline me for at least a week, possibly two.  Yet, I gladly marched my happy ass right toward it.  It has been a week since I've grappled, and oddly I'm not behaving like a huffy upset toddler.  Perhaps it was because this time I knew ahead of time I would not be able to grapple, or perhaps because this time I'm not hobbling around my house like a peg legged pirate.  Or maybe it is because I am just happy to finally have gotten my tattoo I don't mind that I can't grapple for a few weeks.

It is a week old today and it feels fine.  I could probably grapple tonight if I wanted to but since I still have a few small scabby areas I'm going to go ahead and not rub myself all over the mat and risk infection.

Up close of the flowers.. 

Far away and blurry... 

And good luck to everyone heading to the Pan Ams this week!  Be safe!