Monday, January 17, 2011

Niceness fail!

I generally prefer defense to offence, and have always been more of a sweeper than a submitter.  Even though I realize submitting people is not rude, I always feel like a jerk when I do it.  It is probably one of my biggest downfalls as I don’t often work them, so my submissions are always the crappiest part of my game. 

Anyway, tonight when I was grappling this teenage boy I was working positions and just general technique since I am rusty.  He is smaller than I am and somewhat newish to Jiu-jitsu, so if I forget a step, or do something wrong I can recover and it doesn’t turn into an epic fail on my part.  However, while we were grappling I started to go for a triangle, and he said something to the effect of “oh no!” to himself, not to me or anything, it was just he realized he made a mistake and was verbally bummed about it.  So, I let it go.  And he FLEW around to side control, and instantly went for an arm bar, and instead of trying to defend it, I figured I would just roll out of it and come around to side control…. But no.  The kid totally blocked my roll out attempt, and instead of trying to be a jerk and  muscle out of it, I just tapped. 


I will however give total credit to the kid for his armbar.  It was a nice armbar and he legitimately stopped me from rolling out of it.  However, my niceness is what got me into the situation in the first place!  I need to knock that crap off.  I’ve always had the issue of not wanting to submit people.  I know it’s wrong, and it is literally what people go there for, but sill.  I feel bad when I do it, and tonight I got myself submitted for failing to submit someone when I should have.  I’m not only denying myself practice, but I am denying my training partners the same thing.  No one benefits when I let go of submissions.

I did it a second time when I grappled someone I had not grappled since I left.  I was a little nervous about grappling them, not in a bad way, but more or less wondering how I would stack up due to my lack of training, so I went into it thinking, “Okay Stephanie, go for it.”  But the second I realized I could still hold my own against the person, I took my guard down, and ended up in a crappy position.  It was annoying because I knew I shouldn’t have been there in the first place and also because I need to just go for it.  I’m only training one day a week right now and I need to make the most of every single grapple I am given.

I need to stop being so passive.  I need to grapple like I mean it, not like I am their mommy. 

I need to watch 300 before I go to class every day.  lol


  1. LOL, your labels crack me up. I know how you feel. I deal with the same issues. But you are right. You are being too nice. You and your peeps will learn more if you go for the submissions!! :)

  2. Yeah, I can definitely sympathise with that. I'm really, really passive: the majority of my spars go pull guard > get passed > defend from side control. Or if I'm lucky, pull guard > flop around a bit > go to open guard > proceed to do nothing much more than switch grips and wiggle legs. ;)

  3. Yeah, the problem then is that he probably thinks he escaped and doesn't realize that you just let him out. So it doesn't help him. And having those moments of "Oh, no!" -- out-loud or not -- are actually going to help him eventually see the mistake coming and prevent it. You could always set in submissions when they're presented and then let someone work out, and so basically let them decide whether they're getting submitted or not. :P

  4. I know exactly what you mean. I do not look for subs as much as I should and when I get them I don't "go for it". Another thing to work on!

  5. it's hard to roll with your friends, your teammates the way you would with a stranger at a competition but what we do is especially with armbars, we'll go for the submission but as soon as the arm's straight typically we tap and reset, it's only with the newer guys that try to fight to the point where the phrase "take it home with you" would be present. I've found that ever since i've been a bit more aggressive i've felt a lot more confident about my game. Aggressive gets me passing guards, going for submissions and keeps me from second guessing myself. But overly aggressive gets me swept lol it's a double edged sword.

  6. ShakiaHarris - You are 100% correct... At least in my case. I have the most difficultly "going hard" with the people I am closest with. Allie, is my best friend, and primary training partner, but it is super rare that either of us 'go' when we grapple. From day one, I've not wanted to even attempt to submit her... and it's not like she would be upset about it or anything like that, it is just that I don't want to do it.

    And I know that, that is a wrong way to think.. There is nothing wrong with going for or finishing submissions. It doesn't bother me when people do it to me, but I just always have, and think always will hate doing it to my friends and teammates.

    Even in competitions a few times, I have had to yell "FINISH HER!" Mortal Kombat style in my head.

    It's just not my game.. and I need to get over that, because there is nothing wrong with doing it!

  7. Sometimes I say "oh no!" when I see an armbar coming. Occasionally my partners will feel like I'm saying "please don't do this," and will let go. My recommendation: verbally spar with them.

    1. You can joke and say "oh yes" or "oh yeah!" ;)
    2. You can say "Which submission would you like, then?"
    3. You can say "But I really really want to!"

    This is from my personal "oh no" point of view. :)