Monday, October 3, 2011

How to kill Zombies!

Like many bloggers I keep track of how many hits my blog gets, and how people find it.   And like many other bloggers have done I am going to go over some of the more interesting and popular searches...

"Ringworm" - I am sure that is a result of my rage inducing case of ringworm, and that one time I thought I had ringworm and did not. ~ How to Cure Ringworm (One in search variation in particular that I liked was, 'angry ringworm'.  I feel you buddy.)

"Jiujitsunita" - Seems like a pretty obvious one.  You found the right place.

"Cauliflower Ear" - Why people want to purposefully do this to themselves is beyond me.  I have gone over this before, people.  Don't do it.  Your mother will thank you.  ~ How not to look like an idiot.

"Fabio Novaes" - This one comes up a lot in may variations... Fabio Novaes Lakeland, Fabio Novaes BJJ.  Fabio Novaes is the most amazing BJJ instructor ever to walk the planet...  Yeah, that last one came up the most.  lol  But really, in my opinion he is...  ~ Fabio Novaes Brazilian Jiu-jitsu

"Rage Face" - Perhaps you were looking for this? ...

"I totaled my car and it was my fault" - Me too friend, me too... Not fun.

"Six guys and one girl"  - No.. Just no.

"How to tie my long hair up everyday fat face" - I never did find a way to get my hair out of my face and still hide the face fatness.  If you figure it out, let me know.  lol  This may help though... ~ Find the right hair style for your face

"BJJ hair for women" - This one comes up a lot in various forms.  Check out Meg's blog, she has a great record of BJJ hair for women. ~ MegJitsu - BJJ Hair for Women

But the greatest of these... 

"How to kill Zombies" - The fact that my blog came up via this search pleases me to no end.  The only thing is, I don't know why my blog came up with this search.  Maybe I have given this instruction in some form or another.  In which case, disregard the information you've found.  I have an excellent zombie apocalypse plan, but I have not openly shared this plan with anyone.  The only other thing I can assume is that maybe Google thinks Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is a great way to kill zombies... but anyone who knows anything about Zombies would know that BJJ would be a terrible way to kill a zombie.  

Firstly,grappling would SURELY get you bitten, and then you would just be another zombie for someone else to kill only adding to the zombie epidemic.  

Secondly, how exactly would you kill a zombie with BJJ?  They are already dead so a choke would be pointless.  I suppose breaking their arms and legs would render them to be a useless nonthreatening zombie, but that is a lot of risk and effort for minimal reward.

Thirdly, and dare I say most importantly, who would want to grapple a zombie?  Forget the bite risk, you think it is bad to grapple that stinky kid who never showers and doesn't wash his gi?... What do you think it would be like to grapple THIS guy:

That is just a drippy stinking mess I wouldn't want to touch with a 10 foot pole.



  1. You could rip their stinking heads off with a nice nasty neck crank.

  2. You simply MUST watch Tokyo Zombie. Brilliant off-key movie that shows you how BJJ can actually be used to fight zombies...

  3. The majority of mine are fairly boring and to be expected, like "slideyfoot", "gracie combatives review" and "bjj glossary".

    However, among some of the more unusual are "larp dog", "amsterdam sex cinema" and perhaps most disturbing, "I whip my boys every night with a strap and belt".

    I suspect that belt whipping article gets me all kinds of people who I think are a tad disappointed it doesn't involve dungeons, leather and safewords. ;)

  4. @BJJJudo hahaha! Well, I guess there is always that option too!

    @Slidey LOL!

    @Treefrog - Omg. It is on Netflix instant watch. I am going to watch it now! lol

  5. Yikes!

    Perhaps this is a new calling for you . . . "How to Grapple a Zombie." I see a book, movie rights. . . .

    And Slidey, clearly I'm not reading between the lines of your blog enough. sex cinemas and whipping?