Red is still my favorite color..

Monday night Fabio gave me my purple belt.

I feel very undeserving and nervous about it, but I've come to realize how I feel about the color of my belt matters zero.  All I need to do is grapple like I think I deserve it.  I think it was

Royce Gracie who said, 'The belt only covers two inches of your ass, and the rest is up to you.'  (Or something like that.)  Turns out that's highly accurate.

When I started BJJ I was an out of shape, awkward, bookworm with absolutely no aptitude for BJJ.  I am still an awkward bookworm but thanks for Fabio and the rest of my team the other two things no longer apply.

Obviously Fabio has played a major role in my getting to this point.  His instruction and encouragement have been invaluable, but my teammates have been just as important.  They are the ones who sacrifice their time, emotion, energy and their bodies for me to practice the sport I love.  Without them, I couldn't train at all.  Outside of all the wonderful things BJJ brings into my life, it can be mindbogglingly frustrating and physically painful.  Sometimes, I think we forget that the rest of our teammates have similar struggles, but still train, help and encourage others. ... and they count just as much as Fabio.

While every person, and every grapple has helped me get to where I am, a few people have helped more than others, and some of them for nothing in return.

Erica is literally my perfect training partner.  She is my weight, my height and my same skill level... And motivated like no other.  She pushes herself always and in turn pushes me.  She is humble, and always has words of encouragement.  Every grapple with her is challenging yet still fun, and being that we are the same size, she is my ideal partner for getting ready to compete.  I love her on and off the mat, she is a good friend and great training partner.  I am so thankful for her!

Jimmy has probably endured more questions from me than anyone else.  If I get stuck on anything, which is often, he is the person I ask.  I am fairly retarded, so sometimes it's not so easy to help me over my hurdles, but he always find a way to make me understand.  And he is really good at helping me translate things to my own body type.  Obviously my gangly girl body is going to go about things slightly differently than the way he would go about doing them, and he helps me to see what will work for me...something I still struggle with.  We have all body types in our women's class and I wish I could as easily tweak techniques to make them more applicable to the individual girls doing them.  His brain understands BJJ about 90 billion times better than mine does.

 And these guys, are always willing to help me out in whatever way I've asked.  Whether I needed a special guest in my class, or I needed to pepper them with questions, after class... or sometimes during or before class, they have always done so happily.  

Anthony! Congratulations on your brown belt!  It looks so nice with your brown face!  ha! 

Brian, and his annoying armbars makes me strive to suck less at escapes.

And Doug I consider to be man version of me.  We have kinda similar body types, so I like watching him grapple.  A lot of what he does will work for me as well.. You know, if I could stop sucking at turtle guard.  Plus, he is my fellow BJJ Jew... and lets face it.  That matters.  lol  

And of course, all of the women's team.  Teaching BJJ has probably helped me just as much as it helps the girls I teach... if not more.  Having to think over every last detail, and walk them through every step helps to burn them into my own memory.  And their new honeymoon type love for BJJ gives me so much joy.  Some of them have already hit that inevitable wall, but endured the frustration and tears, and broke through the other side.  It inspires me, and makes me want to be better for them.  I want to be the best teacher I can be.  They deserve a teacher as dedicated and committed as they are, and I hope I can be that for them.

I love my team!


And here are a bunch of pictures of my post new belt bullying.

Expect the Unexpected

I had plans to compete a compete a lot in last couple months in preparation for the Pan Ams.  I researched the local competitions, found three perfectly spaced, and got down to business.

Two weeks later, I had a bit of a health scare, and was loaded down with medications that made me feel absolutely horrible, and it took all I had to just show up and teach the women's class, so training was off the table for a little while.  Not to mention how one of the medications made my skin so sensitive I had to cover myself head to toe before going anywhere.

Or how I mistakenly told Fabio why I was taking time off, and he instantly went into, "Oh my gosh, Stephanie is a flower and will die if we breathe on her too hard" mode, and I grappled once a class even when I started to feel better.  (Thanks Fabio.  I know it's just because you care, and I appreciate that very much.)

All of that took competition number one off the table.

Then my biopsy got scheduled for two days before the Miami Open. Which took competition number two off the table.

My actual surgery was a month ago, which gave me barely enough time to recover and compete in the last of the three I planned to do.  But I skated back and fourth on the idea.  I have trained less in the past four months that I ever have, but I really, REALLY wanted to compete.  So, I decided to do it.  I figured the only thing that would likely be effected was my cardio.  I know it's lacking right now, but I still have pretty good cardio.

The night before the competition I laid in bed, went over my game plan and threw up in my mouth a little bit but was excited.  I knew a lot of good grapples were going to be there.

Wake up to a busted water pump in my car.

And spent the next five hours finding someone to squeeze me in and I can fix my car.  Five hours is by the way exactly how much time I had to get my ass to Tampa.  By the time noon rolled around, when I was scheduled to fight, I gave up mentally.  I was still in Lakeland, still at the shop, and emotionally spent.

So, I resigned myself to not competing, but was still going to go to support my friends.  I changed out of my fight gear and headed to the Sundome... only to arrive 90 minutes late.... to see the women's divisions walking out on to the mats.

- insert slew of profanities here -

But I was so drained from my crap morning and so out of the zone, I didn't bother running out to my car gabbing my gi, and seeing if it was too late to throw my name in the hat... I just enjoyed watching the grappling.  Florida has some super sick female talent! 

Needless today, the past couple of months have been pretty much the opposite of what I planned for BJJ wise, but I still count myself as blessed.  I am back to 100%, and have plenty of time to get ready for the Pan Ams!!  I have wanted to go for the past three years and this year I can finally do it!

Mother Nature is freaking weird.

This has nothing what so ever to do with Jiu-jitsu.  

Yesterday when I was walking out of my house, I noticed a big giant black fuzzy caterpillar on my door frame.  I pointed it out to the kids and went on my way.  I live in Florida.  Giant bugs are always somewhere. 

The next morning I noticed that the caterpillar was covered in white fuzz.  Upon further inspection, I noticed the white fuzz was tiny little wriggly maggoty looking things making tiny white cocoons.  After I vomited in my mouth a little, I took a picture.

And being that I like bugs, I tend not to kill them,, I just relocate them, but this one was clearly in the middle of something, so I left it there.

If you look toward the top or bottom to the left you can clearly see the little maggoty things.

I figured they were it's babies... after all lots of insects carry their babies around on their backs. 

Then I realized that caterpillars are larvae themselves so those couldn't possibly be its babies...

So, I went back out there and looked at it again and the caterpillar was leaving its disgusting maggoty cocoon behind.

So, I left the babies there in their nasty sack of maggoty fuzz.

And then I Googled that shit.

Now look at that first picture again, see that green drippy stuff.. that is blood.. Because a WASP laid its babies INSIDE the caterpillar AND THEY ATE THEIR WAY OUT.

Again, for clarity.  THE WASP LARVAE ATE THEIR WAY OUT OF THE CATERPILLAR, and then made their homes on it's back.  WTF wasp babies, WTF, as if your adult state isn't one of the most foul states of insect on the planet already.

Needless to say the nasty sack of wasp babies is gone.

Kinda cool though.

When Rage Mode Attacks

I am a calm grappler.  Possibly to a fault.  Even in competitions.

I close my eyes and tend to be more reactionary than to be the one to drive the pace of a grapple.

I know some people grapple with a lot of emotion and very competitively even in training.  I kind of wish I could be that way too.. it's just not me.  I grapple because it is fun, and I enjoy it.  Not because I feel compelled to win, or be the best.  I'd probably be a better grappler if I could find my competitive streak.  But alas, 3.5 years in and I still don't care if I 'win'.

However, last night I went straight rage mode mid grapple and it was probably more out of my control then I would like to admit.

Had I been playing Monopoly, I would have flipped the entire table in a fit of rage, and stormed out of the room cursing like I had turrets.

Sadly though, I was grappling another human being.  And I did exactly the thing that annoys me most.  I went from normal sane person to channeling the Hulk in .5 seconds.

I was grappling an I-am-mostly-done-with-puberty-but-am-not-yet-a-man child.  I started the grappling thinking, I'd let him do his thing, not realizing that our very lives hung in the balance and one of us was going to die at the end of that grapple.. Or at least, that is what I assume he was thinking because that is exactly how he was grappling.  At one point, he randomly just grappled my foot and went for a toe hold, and had he known what he was doing, or was in the proper position, he probably would have broken my foot. He just grabbed it and tried with ALL of his might to mash my foot in half... teeth grinding, shaking with the effort of trying to break my foot in half.  I wouldn't have had time to tap had it been applied correctly.

He is newish, and young and clearly doesn't know any better and has likely been watching Youtube... but it made me SO angry that he was trying his damnedest to ruin my foot.  I kicked him off my leg and threw him in a triangle as quickly and forcefully as I could and debated with myself very briefly if I should put him to sleep or not. But I didn't.  And after we started again I was still super pissed and grappled much harder than I should have for about 30 seconds before I was able to shut off the rage and grapple like a sane person.  And once I calmed down he remained calm for the remainder of the grapple.

Afterward I said sorry and explained to him that he needs to be a lot more careful with those kinds of submissions because you could really hurt someone.

He seemed to understand, but I feel kinda crappy that I lost my shit.

Oops.

We both survived to grapple another day though.  So at least there is that.

The closest thing I'll ever have to actual minions....

Since my ad in the Lakeland Ledger has yielded poor results, I have taken up the post as the Women's Class instructor.  It's not really the same thing as minions for world domination, but hey, close enough.  I'm not picky.

To be totally honest though, the thought of taking over the class was nauseating at best.  Due to circumstances outside her control our previous instructor, Allie had to step down.  So, I was asked to take over or let the women's class dissolve.  And after a year and a half of training with these ladies, I couldn't bear the thought of ending the class... So, I took over, fairly certain that I was not qualified to teach, and sure the girls would slowly stop coming.

I kept thinking of all the glaring holes in my own game.... Envisioning bring up a team with the same gaping holes I have... all the girls unable to manage take downs, and no one ever successfully sweeping from bottom half guard.  Ever.

And my very first class as solo instructor, my worst fear was faced, and as it turned out, it wasn't so bad.

The worst part of my game is EASILY takedowns.  I know all of two that I walk someone through easily enough but give me a resisting body and I'll likely fall down in the attempt.  And I am not joking about that either, my second competition I was determined to take someone down, so I tried... and fell down. (I did manage to recover and win that match though.  So at least there was that.) 

My first class was the last class before a competition, so I asked the girls what they wanted to go over... Takedowns.  Of course.  So, I tried not to throw up in my mouth, and got to walking them through take downs, and then had them work take down drills... and low and behold, knowledge was gained and takedowns happened.

I realized I knew more then I thought, and could impart BJJ how to, to others.  Something that I never really appreciated how difficult would be. Using words to explain how to swivel or switch a hip was harder than I thought.

But six weeks into teaching, I am starting to enjoy it.  One of the ladies recently had a major epiphany one class, and we both felt like this kid.

Not to mention, I think it is making me better as well.  I have to think of every step of every move to make sure I relay the proper information.  Not to mention having to troubleshoot with the girls when they hit a block.  It makes me think and find answers.

However, as good as the class is going, it doesn't undo the fact that I still have major holes in my game.  So, I've asked some of the guys who excel the things I ruin horrifically to come to class and teach those things for me.  This is a double win.  I think it is beneficial to the girls to have a different instructor with a different point of view from time to time, but it is awesome for me too, because basically I am having tailor made classes that help me where I am weakest.

And thankfully, I have a awesome team that has been very willing to help me when I ask.  So, thanks guys!!

The pros and cons of training in the heat.

I live in Florida.  

My gym is not fancy.  Not even a little.

It is basically an office, a singular bathroom, and mats.

Inside a warehouse, in an industrial park.

A far cry from the well know, absolutely gorgeous, state of the art, all white, glass front gym of the Art of Jiu-Jitsu Academy of the Mendes Brothers. ... that I am sure is kept about 15 degrees cooler than the gym I (very happily) call home.

As you can imagine, in Florida in the summer at midday, it can get a little warm.  And by a little warm, I mean 91 degrees.  It is air conditioned, but again... warehouse, midday, Florida... sweating bodies.  It stays about 90 degrees.

In the summer time I am dripping sweat by the end of warm ups.  You could literately just sit in the gym and warm up.

By the end of the second grapple my fingers are pruney, and they stay that way all class.  This really isn't a problem except for the fact that when my skin is all soggy, it is much more easily ripped or rubbed off.  And of course, gripping and pulling on lapels and sleeves for an hour does exactly that.  For about a month now my finger tips have been raw... and the horrifying calluses I have developed on all my knuckles over the past three years have been slowly rubbed off from grappling in a constant state of wet handedness.

My elbows and knees are also getting rubbed raw from the same thing... damp skin, wet rough gi = rubbed off skin.  And of course, its sweat, not just water so it stings.

Insert more bitching and complaining about grappling soggy here.

The mats are also constantly wet and slippery.  It can quite literally be like grappling on a slip and slide sometimes.

And all of that on top of, grappling in heat makes it hard to breathe, its hard to catch your breath, and staying hydrated while not drinking too much water is a fine line to walk.

It sucks.... but I love it.  It is weirdly satisfying.
(I also love BJJ, my team, and my instructor, so that makes all the suffering much more bearable.)
The singular pro is that I will train like this all summer, and when it comes time to compete in the lovely air conditioned gyms it will a cake walk.

Well, I guess, a second pro could be that the excessive exfoliation is making me softer than I've ever been in my life.  That counts for something I am sure.

Why not to cut weight.... at least for me.

I cut weight for Copa, and this was closer to cutting weight than what I normally do.  If I want to drop a weight class, I always start well in advance, and try to go about doing it in the best way possible, with the least negative effects on my body.

For Copa, I about 5% of my body weight in six days.  It may not really seem like a lot, but it was enough to put me in the hospital.  Oops.

I normally have low blood pressure, and in cutting weight, I got dehydrated, and it caused my already low BP to drop even lower.

The weird thing about it was I have been dehydrated before, and I feel dehydrated.  I am tried, my head hurts and I feel awful.  This time though, I felt generally fine.  I was tired, and sore, but I attributed it to the fact that I had just competed.

However, walking across my house, I blacked out, and landed on my face.  Neither of those things were real great for my body.

It's actually not as funny when you are the one falling down. 

And being that blacking out and smashing your face is not something that generally happens to 30 year old healthy women, I was forced to go to the ER.

Luckily the problem was just hypotension caused by dehydration, and possibly my anemia in conjunction with my already low BP.  My normal BP is 85/50 ish... so when it is already low, having it drop rapidly from standing and moving quickly, I fainted.  I do get dizzy if I stand up quickly from time to time, but I guess it was just made worse by dehydration.

So, they gave me an epic crap ton of fluids... they started with three bags all at once.  That sucked quite a bit.  It made me REALLY cold and miserable for about an hour... but then they gave me fluids at a normal rate and kept me for observation.  ... Observation being, my standing up and siting down a bunch of times over and over, whist my hospital gown malfunctioned horribly.

So, the moral of this story is... I will never cut weight again.  I will just fight strong at my walking around weight and that will just have to be enough, and I am sure it will be.