Pre Op Done!

I had my pre-op appointment this morning.  It was pretty uneventful.  

I was fitted for my literal crotch to ankle, knee brace.  It's the worst $700 contraption I have ever met. But, thank you insurance for covering the device that will both torture me and help me to heal properly.

I got instructions on how to wash my body.  You know, in case I have been doing it wrong the last 33 years of my life.

They called in all of my prescriptions, and gave me a general once over to make sure I am well enough to survive a surgery. (I am, Yay!) And of course let me know about all the glorious things that could go wrong including my death.  If you never hear from me again, that's prob what happened.

I am still ultra paranoid that I will somehow end up losing my leg... but fingers crossed I survive with my limbs intact, and I as rather fond of my legs.

T-Minus 13 days until Zombie Knee.

Knee Update

I have 20 days until my surgery.

My knee is for the most part okay.  The swelling is all gone, as is most of the pain.  So long as I wear my knee brace its almost fully functional.  As of a couple days ago I am able to completely straighten it.  I still can't put my heel to my butt, and I doubt I will be able to without surgery.  If I could, I could grapple... but alas, no.  

Most unfortunately though, everyone cares, and no one will even let me try! Because I might hurt myself or some such nonsense.  Pfft.

Without my brace my knee buckles fairly regularly, and lateral movements are real not great. It is, if nothing else, manageable for 20 more days.  Then it will be way worse! But for good reason.

I am going to get these, and only wear the right leg every time I grapple nogi. 

Zombie Knee Tights

How not to make yourself feel better.

If you need surgery, and would like to make yourself feel worse, you should deff watch your surgical procedure on YouTube.

Surgical Consult

I had my surgical consult today.  It went well, as far as, this is an appointment in which a man tells me I have ruined my knee and need surgery goes.  

And it is, as I feared, worst case scenario.  Both my ACL and meniscus need to be completely reconstructed.  After he broke the news he asked me how much he wanted me to sugar coat what that meant..  I said not at all, and in hindsight, I maybe should have let him sugar coat it.  I probably would have cried less.

I have been a gigantic baby about this knee injury.  I think it is just coming at a bad time.  Not that there is ever a good time to cripple yourself, but I decided to do it in the middle of a really big life change so it is complicating that, and also forcing me to put a lot of things on hold I have already put off for way too long.  It's insanely frustrating.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

After he explained in detail how they go about fixing my knee, he explained that he thinks using a cadaver graft is the way to go.  Cadaver graft will be henceforth know as zombie knee.  He feels as though harvesting a replacement part from my body will only create a weak spot somewhere else, and being that I am an athlete and harder on my body that the average lady, he doesn't want to potentially create problems where I would otherwise not have them.

Zombie Knee

The only thing that kind of sucks about the zombie knee is that, that kind of surgery can only be done at a hospital and not the surgical center where he would normally do an ACL repair.  That is a problem because I could get in next week at the surgical center, and the next available slot at the hospital is November 2nd.

However, he said my knee is so inflamed and angry that he wouldn't be comfortable doing the surgery for another two weeks anyway.  So, in realty it means I am going to have to wait 3 weeks longer than I would otherwise I have to wait.  Boo.

Then he went on to explain that this surgery has an extremely painful recovery, six months of rehab, and because of how shredded my meniscus is, I will not be able to walk for the first 6 weeks after it is repaired.


I will not be able to WALK for SIX weeks.

No walking.  Six weeks.

I can't even wrap my head around that.

I don't know how I am supposed to function without being able to walk.  Nor can I imagine how fat I am going to get.  Ugh.

My pre op appointment is October 19th at 10am.

Torn ACL and Meniscus

I haven't blogged in a while because, well, nothing interesting has been going on.

I still hate bottom half guard with the fire of a thousand suns,

  But I suck at it a little less, mostly thanks to a brown belt with the patients of a saint.

I was given my first stripe on my purple belt.

My women's class is still doing well.  My ladies are still kicking ass and taking names.  

Out side of BJJ my kids started school this year.  Kind of a big deal for us, as they have been homeschooled up until this point.  I struggled with the decision for about a year before I finally decided to put them in school, so seeing them do so well makes me extremely happy and is a huge relief.  They also started BJJ at the kids class at Fabio's.

Unfortunately though, I finally have something to blog about.

I tore my ACL and medial meniscus last week.

I was grappling Erica, another purple belt, who just happens to be my favorite training partner.  We were in a position we have been in 1000 times before, and I was trying to sweep her with a sweep I have done 10,000 times.  I've done it to 250 pound men and 60 pound kids... and never once did it ever feel like anything dangerous or risky.

But last Wednesday, I went for the sweep, and Erica dropped her hips to stuff the sweep, and my knee decided catastrophic failure was the best course of action.  

Hooray.

Upon my doctors first inspection of my knee, he said, "Oh wow.  This is bad."

Great.

A couple days later my MRI determined it was in fact, bad.

I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon on Friday.

Thus far I know that I do need surgery, but I don't yet know what kind of surgery.  I am hoping and praying I can get away with an endoscopic surgery as the recovery period for that kind of surgery would put me back on the mat in 4-6 weeks and I would be back to 100% in roughly 10-12 weeks.

The alternative would be reconstructive surgery.  I could maybe back on the mat in 10-12 weeks and it would be a full 6 MONTHS to get back to 100% function.  And from what I have read the rehab for reconstruction is brutal.

The thought of reconstructive surgery makes me want to cry.  I wont know until Friday, but I am trying to stay postive in the mean time.

Four Years

I have been training BJJ for four years now.  Four years today actually.  I am nerdy enough to have done the math from when I started, minus the long hiatus I took, to now.  

In four years I have won a some medals, earned my purple belt, and took over as head instructor of the women's class.

Those things make me really happy.  

But more than that I am happy I started training because of the people I have met, and the friends that I have made.

Looking forward to the rest of my hopefully very long BJJ journey.

  

Does BJJ really work for women?

A couple of months ago, I went to class.  Fabio has several classes most days, and I generally only go at night since I home school my kids, but every now and then I go to morning classes or afternoon classes. 

That day I went to a class I have only gone to a couple of times, and was approached by one of the newer guys, and he said, "I know you teach a women's class, and if you don't mind I want to watch you grapple today.  I have a wife and daughter, and I want them to learn BJJ too, but I don't understand how this will work for a woman.  No offense, but I don't understand how you could overpower a man."  ... or something to that effect.  

He was in no way being rude, or condescending, just honest.  And being that he is new, and had never grappled a woman, it's a legitimate concern.  

I however went into, oh my gosh, how I grapple today is going to form this man's opinion of ALL OF WOMEN'S BJJ EVERYWHERE FOREVER! panic mode. 

I immediately scanned the room.

No girls.

Mostly white belts.
Big ones.

More Panic.

Big white belt men generally give me the most 'trouble'.  When a guy uses just brute force and no technique I really have to work.  Technique is the only thing that I have to combat brute force.... and when you can mush my guard open with just your arms.  Ugh.

I have said before, that I don't grapple to win, I grapple to grapple.  But that morning, with the fate of all of women's BJJ in my hands, I started every grapple with the intent to prove to the world, or you know, just that one guy, that BJJ works for women too.  

And being that I am the instructor of a women's class, I felt extra compelled to prove myself, not just prove that BJJ works for women.

My first grapple was an older teenage boy, and I was so nervous I was starting to question whether or not I could take this kid.  So, I started to psych myself up, more so than when I am competing in the finals for gold.

The resulting grapple was probably a little more unpleasant for that innocent man-boy than it should have been.

I should probably have felt bad that I unleashed on that kid, but I didn't.  I smiled, thanked him for the grapple and walked back to the wall without making eye contact with the guy I knew was watching.  I wanted to look like I wasn't even trying, or that it didn't matter.

But in my head I was jumping up and down, See it works! It works!  Send your wife and daughter to my class!

But in reality, I just beat up a kid.  Oopsie.
(In my defense however, we go there to grapple, not hug, and I grappled him with my sanity in tact, I just took every opportunity I could to put him in a bad spot and submit him.  I unnecessarily unleashed my inner Leonidas on him.  But he went on to grapple another day unscathed.)

Next grapple.

Another white belt... but this was white belt with man strength.  A big giant man, with man strength.

I went straight back in to, omg, can I do this mode.

Turns out, I was worried for nothing.

Every grapple that morning I was able to remain dominate and submit my partner.  Except the grapple in which I grappled a 230 pound purple belt man.  I am pretty sure that grapple looked similar to this..


My last grapple of the morning was with the man in question.  I was not expecting to grapple him.  I had been feeling pretty confident, and proud of my self for repping BJJ decently for women everywhere. (Because, clearly that was what was going on.  lol)

He was very nice and complimentary though.  He said, he had watched me grapple all morning and was impressed, and he was pretty sure I was about to beat him up.

And I went into that grapple with every intent to show him just how effective BJJ was for women.  Or at least, as as effectively as I could.  There are plenty of other women who could prove that point SOO much better than I can.

Anyway, I submitted him several times, and afterward he seemed legitimately happy.  He said he was now excited for his daughter and wife to train, and how grappling me was completely different that anyone else he had ever grappled.  He said, no matter what he did he could shake me off, or get a decent hold on me.  And that made him happier about training BJJ in general because it does in fact work.


The point of all of that, was not to talk about how I beat up boys, or pat myself on the back, but to let anyone else who might be wondering, if BJJ is effective for women, it is.

That experience made me more confident in myself, and happier about teaching BJJ to other women. I hadn't ever really grappled a man with the intent to subdue him, or at least that had never consciously been my goal.

All of that being said, I want to add that I have been training BJJ for 3.5 years, and I believe it will take a couple of years for your average woman to be able to subdue and submit your average untrained man.  But, BJJ can be live savingly effective as early as six months into training.  Escapes and defense come first in the line of skills sets you find with BJJ.  And I always, always, always tell my girls, if God forbid, they were to find themselves in a situation where they have to fight for their lives, to fight to escape, not fight to win.  Get them off of you and get away.  And BJJ can absolutely teach you how to do that.

So.

Recap.

BJJ works for women.

The end!

Red is still my favorite color..

Monday night Fabio gave me my purple belt.

I feel very undeserving and nervous about it, but I've come to realize how I feel about the color of my belt matters zero.  All I need to do is grapple like I think I deserve it.  I think it was

Royce Gracie who said, 'The belt only covers two inches of your ass, and the rest is up to you.'  (Or something like that.)  Turns out that's highly accurate.

When I started BJJ I was an out of shape, awkward, bookworm with absolutely no aptitude for BJJ.  I am still an awkward bookworm but thanks for Fabio and the rest of my team the other two things no longer apply.

Obviously Fabio has played a major role in my getting to this point.  His instruction and encouragement have been invaluable, but my teammates have been just as important.  They are the ones who sacrifice their time, emotion, energy and their bodies for me to practice the sport I love.  Without them, I couldn't train at all.  Outside of all the wonderful things BJJ brings into my life, it can be mindbogglingly frustrating and physically painful.  Sometimes, I think we forget that the rest of our teammates have similar struggles, but still train, help and encourage others. ... and they count just as much as Fabio.

While every person, and every grapple has helped me get to where I am, a few people have helped more than others, and some of them for nothing in return.

Erica is literally my perfect training partner.  She is my weight, my height and my same skill level... And motivated like no other.  She pushes herself always and in turn pushes me.  She is humble, and always has words of encouragement.  Every grapple with her is challenging yet still fun, and being that we are the same size, she is my ideal partner for getting ready to compete.  I love her on and off the mat, she is a good friend and great training partner.  I am so thankful for her!

Jimmy has probably endured more questions from me than anyone else.  If I get stuck on anything, which is often, he is the person I ask.  I am fairly retarded, so sometimes it's not so easy to help me over my hurdles, but he always find a way to make me understand.  And he is really good at helping me translate things to my own body type.  Obviously my gangly girl body is going to go about things slightly differently than the way he would go about doing them, and he helps me to see what will work for me...something I still struggle with.  We have all body types in our women's class and I wish I could as easily tweak techniques to make them more applicable to the individual girls doing them.  His brain understands BJJ about 90 billion times better than mine does.

 And these guys, are always willing to help me out in whatever way I've asked.  Whether I needed a special guest in my class, or I needed to pepper them with questions, after class... or sometimes during or before class, they have always done so happily.  

Anthony! Congratulations on your brown belt!  It looks so nice with your brown face!  ha! 

Brian, and his annoying armbars makes me strive to suck less at escapes.

And Doug I consider to be man version of me.  We have kinda similar body types, so I like watching him grapple.  A lot of what he does will work for me as well.. You know, if I could stop sucking at turtle guard.  Plus, he is my fellow BJJ Jew... and lets face it.  That matters.  lol  

And of course, all of the women's team.  Teaching BJJ has probably helped me just as much as it helps the girls I teach... if not more.  Having to think over every last detail, and walk them through every step helps to burn them into my own memory.  And their new honeymoon type love for BJJ gives me so much joy.  Some of them have already hit that inevitable wall, but endured the frustration and tears, and broke through the other side.  It inspires me, and makes me want to be better for them.  I want to be the best teacher I can be.  They deserve a teacher as dedicated and committed as they are, and I hope I can be that for them.

I love my team!


And here are a bunch of pictures of my post new belt bullying.

Expect the Unexpected

I had plans to compete a compete a lot in last couple months in preparation for the Pan Ams.  I researched the local competitions, found three perfectly spaced, and got down to business.

Two weeks later, I had a bit of a health scare, and was loaded down with medications that made me feel absolutely horrible, and it took all I had to just show up and teach the women's class, so training was off the table for a little while.  Not to mention how one of the medications made my skin so sensitive I had to cover myself head to toe before going anywhere.

Or how I mistakenly told Fabio why I was taking time off, and he instantly went into, "Oh my gosh, Stephanie is a flower and will die if we breathe on her too hard" mode, and I grappled once a class even when I started to feel better.  (Thanks Fabio.  I know it's just because you care, and I appreciate that very much.)

All of that took competition number one off the table.

Then my biopsy got scheduled for two days before the Miami Open. Which took competition number two off the table.

My actual surgery was a month ago, which gave me barely enough time to recover and compete in the last of the three I planned to do.  But I skated back and fourth on the idea.  I have trained less in the past four months that I ever have, but I really, REALLY wanted to compete.  So, I decided to do it.  I figured the only thing that would likely be effected was my cardio.  I know it's lacking right now, but I still have pretty good cardio.

The night before the competition I laid in bed, went over my game plan and threw up in my mouth a little bit but was excited.  I knew a lot of good grapples were going to be there.

Wake up to a busted water pump in my car.

And spent the next five hours finding someone to squeeze me in and I can fix my car.  Five hours is by the way exactly how much time I had to get my ass to Tampa.  By the time noon rolled around, when I was scheduled to fight, I gave up mentally.  I was still in Lakeland, still at the shop, and emotionally spent.

So, I resigned myself to not competing, but was still going to go to support my friends.  I changed out of my fight gear and headed to the Sundome... only to arrive 90 minutes late.... to see the women's divisions walking out on to the mats.

- insert slew of profanities here -

But I was so drained from my crap morning and so out of the zone, I didn't bother running out to my car gabbing my gi, and seeing if it was too late to throw my name in the hat... I just enjoyed watching the grappling.  Florida has some super sick female talent! 

Needless today, the past couple of months have been pretty much the opposite of what I planned for BJJ wise, but I still count myself as blessed.  I am back to 100%, and have plenty of time to get ready for the Pan Ams!!  I have wanted to go for the past three years and this year I can finally do it!

Mother Nature is freaking weird.

This has nothing what so ever to do with Jiu-jitsu.  

Yesterday when I was walking out of my house, I noticed a big giant black fuzzy caterpillar on my door frame.  I pointed it out to the kids and went on my way.  I live in Florida.  Giant bugs are always somewhere. 

The next morning I noticed that the caterpillar was covered in white fuzz.  Upon further inspection, I noticed the white fuzz was tiny little wriggly maggoty looking things making tiny white cocoons.  After I vomited in my mouth a little, I took a picture.

And being that I like bugs, I tend not to kill them,, I just relocate them, but this one was clearly in the middle of something, so I left it there.

If you look toward the top or bottom to the left you can clearly see the little maggoty things.

I figured they were it's babies... after all lots of insects carry their babies around on their backs. 

Then I realized that caterpillars are larvae themselves so those couldn't possibly be its babies...

So, I went back out there and looked at it again and the caterpillar was leaving its disgusting maggoty cocoon behind.

So, I left the babies there in their nasty sack of maggoty fuzz.

And then I Googled that shit.

Now look at that first picture again, see that green drippy stuff.. that is blood.. Because a WASP laid its babies INSIDE the caterpillar AND THEY ATE THEIR WAY OUT.

Again, for clarity.  THE WASP LARVAE ATE THEIR WAY OUT OF THE CATERPILLAR, and then made their homes on it's back.  WTF wasp babies, WTF, as if your adult state isn't one of the most foul states of insect on the planet already.

Needless to say the nasty sack of wasp babies is gone.

Kinda cool though.

When Rage Mode Attacks

I am a calm grappler.  Possibly to a fault.  Even in competitions.

I close my eyes and tend to be more reactionary than to be the one to drive the pace of a grapple.

I know some people grapple with a lot of emotion and very competitively even in training.  I kind of wish I could be that way too.. it's just not me.  I grapple because it is fun, and I enjoy it.  Not because I feel compelled to win, or be the best.  I'd probably be a better grappler if I could find my competitive streak.  But alas, 3.5 years in and I still don't care if I 'win'.

However, last night I went straight rage mode mid grapple and it was probably more out of my control then I would like to admit.

Had I been playing Monopoly, I would have flipped the entire table in a fit of rage, and stormed out of the room cursing like I had turrets.

Sadly though, I was grappling another human being.  And I did exactly the thing that annoys me most.  I went from normal sane person to channeling the Hulk in .5 seconds.

I was grappling an I-am-mostly-done-with-puberty-but-am-not-yet-a-man child.  I started the grappling thinking, I'd let him do his thing, not realizing that our very lives hung in the balance and one of us was going to die at the end of that grapple.. Or at least, that is what I assume he was thinking because that is exactly how he was grappling.  At one point, he randomly just grappled my foot and went for a toe hold, and had he known what he was doing, or was in the proper position, he probably would have broken my foot. He just grabbed it and tried with ALL of his might to mash my foot in half... teeth grinding, shaking with the effort of trying to break my foot in half.  I wouldn't have had time to tap had it been applied correctly.

He is newish, and young and clearly doesn't know any better and has likely been watching Youtube... but it made me SO angry that he was trying his damnedest to ruin my foot.  I kicked him off my leg and threw him in a triangle as quickly and forcefully as I could and debated with myself very briefly if I should put him to sleep or not. But I didn't.  And after we started again I was still super pissed and grappled much harder than I should have for about 30 seconds before I was able to shut off the rage and grapple like a sane person.  And once I calmed down he remained calm for the remainder of the grapple.

Afterward I said sorry and explained to him that he needs to be a lot more careful with those kinds of submissions because you could really hurt someone.

He seemed to understand, but I feel kinda crappy that I lost my shit.

Oops.

We both survived to grapple another day though.  So at least there is that.

The closest thing I'll ever have to actual minions....

Since my ad in the Lakeland Ledger has yielded poor results, I have taken up the post as the Women's Class instructor.  It's not really the same thing as minions for world domination, but hey, close enough.  I'm not picky.

To be totally honest though, the thought of taking over the class was nauseating at best.  Due to circumstances outside her control our previous instructor, Allie had to step down.  So, I was asked to take over or let the women's class dissolve.  And after a year and a half of training with these ladies, I couldn't bear the thought of ending the class... So, I took over, fairly certain that I was not qualified to teach, and sure the girls would slowly stop coming.

I kept thinking of all the glaring holes in my own game.... Envisioning bring up a team with the same gaping holes I have... all the girls unable to manage take downs, and no one ever successfully sweeping from bottom half guard.  Ever.

And my very first class as solo instructor, my worst fear was faced, and as it turned out, it wasn't so bad.

The worst part of my game is EASILY takedowns.  I know all of two that I walk someone through easily enough but give me a resisting body and I'll likely fall down in the attempt.  And I am not joking about that either, my second competition I was determined to take someone down, so I tried... and fell down. (I did manage to recover and win that match though.  So at least there was that.) 

My first class was the last class before a competition, so I asked the girls what they wanted to go over... Takedowns.  Of course.  So, I tried not to throw up in my mouth, and got to walking them through take downs, and then had them work take down drills... and low and behold, knowledge was gained and takedowns happened.

I realized I knew more then I thought, and could impart BJJ how to, to others.  Something that I never really appreciated how difficult would be. Using words to explain how to swivel or switch a hip was harder than I thought.

But six weeks into teaching, I am starting to enjoy it.  One of the ladies recently had a major epiphany one class, and we both felt like this kid.

Not to mention, I think it is making me better as well.  I have to think of every step of every move to make sure I relay the proper information.  Not to mention having to troubleshoot with the girls when they hit a block.  It makes me think and find answers.

However, as good as the class is going, it doesn't undo the fact that I still have major holes in my game.  So, I've asked some of the guys who excel the things I ruin horrifically to come to class and teach those things for me.  This is a double win.  I think it is beneficial to the girls to have a different instructor with a different point of view from time to time, but it is awesome for me too, because basically I am having tailor made classes that help me where I am weakest.

And thankfully, I have a awesome team that has been very willing to help me when I ask.  So, thanks guys!!